I never quite understood that quote because I thought if I got what I wished for, I'd be happy; but, it's another Chinese curse. To be specific, all I ever wanted after my diagnosis was to be able to have sex again. I thought it was over. But, I got my wish and I still wasn't happy. That's because it wasn't about sex. It was about love. And, there my friends, lies the problem. The grass is always greener. When one is alone, one wants a relationship. When one is in a relationship, one wants to have sex with someone else. (And I don't mean everyone, because there are always those who say they are happy and content; and I say, "God Bless You.") So, I'm struggling with this idea that one never knows what lies ahead. As Betty White said recently, "If one is lucky, one does."(lol) She was referring to sex. I'm referring to a relationship. I've had two long term ones. Neither ended well. Yet, I miss the sharing. I miss talking to someone about the day. I miss the odd juxtaposition of,"Don't forget to get some toilet paper... I love you." I don't miss the disagreements and lack of privacy. So, here's my advice to myself. "Continue to think positive, stay focused, and be constructive. I've always said, "If I only listened to myself, I'd be fine." That's what I'm trying to do, but I will watch what I wish for.
No comments:
Post a Comment