Adventures of a Cancer Stud

Oscar soon learned that there is a price for fame. He had gone from a life of being a recluse to one of being a star. Paparazzi appeared no matter where he went.

Even if he went to the local grocery store for a loaf of bread and milk. Of course, Oscar knew he had always wanted to be well endowed and wanted people to chase after him. But, it took a lot of time and effort. He had to deal with questions like, "How does it feel to have one of the biggest tools in the world?" Do you find you enjoy sex more?  Do you plan on getting a bigger version?" The answers were: cumbersome, absolutely, and no.

Oscar had always liked clothes even if they fit badly and came from the cheaper outlets. Now, he found that his waist was the same but his inseam had increased a foot. None of his pants fit, unless he wanted to look like he was advertising his wares. He finally had to find a tailor, but even he was curious. This led to another search for someone who would not be impressed or curious. She came from a small Romanian village where size was never noticed. Men often put bottles of vodka in their pockets so they could have a taste whenever they wanted and consequently they all looked well-endowed. Also the women did most of the chores and were so exhausted by the end of the day, the last thing they wanted was sex. Nanika measured accurately and was an excellent seamstress.

Oscar went from looking like a schlump to appearing like a Wall Street banker. Now, even though people knew who he was they didn't fixate on his crotch. (That wasn't true. It just wasn't obvious to those who searched.) This was especially important when he made a TV appearance. Cameramen liked to zero in on that area as the host asked him about his appendage. Oscar usually wore an oversized shirt unless he was coming on  OPRAH or THE VIEW.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DczrNOwRmew Joy and Sheri enjoyed sitting close to him, Elizabeth blushed and he noticed even Whoopi and Barbara seemed overly cheerful . Oprah announced, "HERE'S OSCAR." He kept trying to tell them that prostate cancer was the only reason he was there, but they didn't want to hear that.

 As I mentioned, Oscar was gay and wondered why the women still were interested. Then he realized that a lot of male movie stars, even though they had families and considered very masculine, were also gay. It was so common that on the talk show circuit, very few people bothered to acknowledge it. It was then that Oscar began to wonder why he thought it was so important to have such a "big one." Of course there was the exhibitionist factor. When he went to the gym, the showers suddenly filled up and more men snuck glances and crowded around him.

Oscar sought out a good therapist who specialized in size issues....and charged $1,000 an hour. There was a time when Oscar would have laughed at the cost but now that he was famous, it no longer mattered. He often felt used and wondered how many people liked him for his fame, or even worse,  his Dong. His therapist was working with him to accept himself and it was a tough process.

THE VIEW

It's a dog's life

            Had another rough day.  It was so bad, I had to take a second nap after lunch.

Polish Cleaning Lady

If you're Polish, you've been taught to clean. Men, women, children. Everyone cleans. Floors must be swept, washed, waxed. Our generation (3rd) isn't as thorough as our parents were. Nevertheless, it was passed on to us. Each of us has PTSD and OCD from our past. When stressed we clean. There is always something to clean or re-clean. Why do you think clean is associated with Polish Cleaning Ladies. Everyone wants one. Now, what does this have to do with cancer.....(hold on, I'm getting there) anyone who has had cancer (any type) has  been stressed to the max. Everyone has stories as to how they dealt with that stress. Some offer support, others deny it, and some laugh at it. Check out,  I Made Cancer My Bitch which really made me laugh. Maybe it's for a select audience, but many people have been diagnosed with some sort of cancer these days. It would be interesting to hears others stories. But, I digress. Why this post? I returned from a trip recently and discovered a pipe had burst in my place. After my breakdown, I prepared for the challenge. Brooms, mops, pails. Gloves, rags, disinfects. Not only did I have to clean it, I had to disinfect it. There was the impending fear of an e coli infection. It took nearly 24 hours to get the floors, cabinets, knobs, furniture cleaned. I felt the pressure and guilt building from my past history and knew my family was watching from above ready to critique my every move. There was a lot of pressure but I finally finished. I was in a total sweat and I was panting for breath. But, it was clean. I didn't have to think about cancer or its side effects. This was my new normal. I was happy. 

Caine's Arcade

I rarely post twice in a night.  In fact, I'm lucky if I post in 2 weeks.  Sorry about that, readers.But, this was sent to me by my friend, Jim Flanagan.  Please take time to watch the whole thing. You'll be glad you did. It's one of those things you'll want to watch again and again, especially if you're having a bad day.

Enjoy.......

Caine's Arcade

Runaway

1960's music      Check out this song.  One of the Oldies...

Easter Bonnets

I decided they had the best Easter bonnets I could find.  So first prize goes to them whoever they are. To me, Easter is a time for renewal and fresh beginnings, a time to celebrate who we are. Whether you're newly diagnosed or celebrating remission, try to embrace this day. My hats off to my cousins, Chris who was recently told he was in remission from his 5 yr. battle with Hodgkins and Cindy, his mother who was told she was in 25% remission after 3 months of treatment. Hope you and any one else who reads this post has a great Easter and Happy Passover.  

Random Thoughts.....

Sorry for taking so long to post anything. It's been difficult to gather my thoughts. I returned from Key West and felt calm and relaxed for about 10 minutes.  Then came a flood of thoughts of how much I enjoyed it, how Chicago was cold and rainy (even though it was in the 70's) and the thought that I should sell my condo and move there.  Nearly a month later, I'd still like to go back to Key West but maybe not so drastically. If the market hadn't crashed, I'm sure I would have sold my place by now, but I know I'm not alone. I listened to Suze Orman the other day, and she is very practical and wise. She has beautiful hair, teeth, and skin. She preaches the "New American Dream" and how we should all hold tight and "live below our means." If I lived any lower, I'd be in a dungeon without food. Practical and safe is also boring and dull. So, I love you Suze, but I don't know how many more years this body is going to be on this earth and I'd like to have some fun while I'm still here and not with your debit card

Make Me Even Richer

I've survived cancer, loved and lost, and now would like to do more with my life. BTW, I would have liked to have retired by now, but I'm sure I would have been even more bored and broke. This is a very whiny blog and thanks for indulging me. I know I am very lucky and try to count my blessings everyday. Still being here is a big one. That being said, I'm going to stop. To be able to have such a platform and realize I still function quite well makes me feel very lucky.

Re-entry

                                                             GOING FROM HERE


                                                                        TO


                                                                     HERE

I know, "Life is tough." But, why not treat yourself to your fantasy.  Shout out to my cousin Chris,who put me up for a few days in Delray on my way to Key West.  Had a nice time. Now, I see why he loves Florida so much. Nothing like getting real Vitamin D. Beats a supplement anytime. I guess that could be said about a lot of things.

It's Like Riding A Bike.....

Most people have heard the above post title used in reference to "having SEX". It all comes back, it's simple, you won't have any problems. Sure. Who started that one.....?  I want to know. I went bicycling today and I had trouble steering and balancing. Went through bushes twice, lost the chain once, and kept cars at bay. The point is that with practice it does come back, not sex or bicycling. I refer to the everyday actions of daily living. Especially after a bout of illness.What we take for granted is not so simple once we haven't done it for awhile? Making your bed, changing clothes, taking a shower. It takes energy and will-power. It takes strength of conviction, determination, and the support of family and friends. Do not give up. It's easier but the sense of accomplishment can initiate a chain of actions, until you achieve goals you never thought yourself capable of. DON'T GIVE UP.

Courage

What does courage look like?  Watch the link below and you'll .know

Vulnerability and Cancer

Painted by Guido Reni (series of seven)

Although St. Sebastian is not the patron saint of cancer victims (St. Peregrine is), St. Sebastian is the most popular image known to most people. He is often pictured as dying as a martyr for his faith, pierced by many arrows. He has been the subject of many articles and revered by many as seen in UK's, The  Independent.  I found the last paragraph very intriguing:

All of which is to say that the secret of Sebastian's success may lie in his ability to be all things to all men. Along with the famous arrows, the symbol of his martyrdom is the rope that binds his hands; yet the shape-shifting Sebastian just won't be tied down. The novelist and political activist Susan Sontag pointed out that his face never registers the agonies of his body, that his beauty and his pain are eternally divorced from each other. This made him proof against plague in 1348, and, in these ungodly times, it still does. A recent book devoted to the martyr includes Aids-related work by artists including Wolfgang Tillmans and Louise Bourgeois. It is called Saint Sebastian: A Splendid Readiness for Death.

'The Agony and the Ecstasy: Guido Reni's Saint Sebastians' is at the Dulwich Picture Gallery, London SE21, 020 8693 5254, until 11 May

So what is my point....I'm getting there. I was thinking about vulnerability and wondered if one can be too vulnerable. I'm not sure. Many women and some men describe themselves as vulnerable, which is the capacity to be hurt, physically or emotionally. But, it may also mean you have the capacity to love more. As with anything, I'm sure it's all about balance. But my eternal quest is : "how do you achieve that balance?"

I do think that cancer patients, from the point of diagnosis to all stages, are vulnerable. First of all, none of us ever expected to be in that category. Once we are, we define life differently and possibly realize the importance of every moment. All our emotions are magnified and very fine-tuned. We are often prescribed drugs to deal with these feelings but possibly we need to explore those feelings. I know that I do. As I try to enjoy these beautiful days in paradise, I find myself often reminded of the arrows of pain that I and my fellow travelers have endured. At the same time, I try to enjoy the beauty that surrounds me. The paradox of pain and pleasure comes to mind.  

I strongly encourage anyone who can, to take some time for some introspection. You may be pleasantly surprised at what you find there....I have to go. I'm having drinks with Sebastian. 

Money Flies....

It just seems to disappear faster than I'd like. The other day, it literally happened. I was at the toll booth.
"That will be $8.00 sir.

"Eight dollars!" I had only gone about 2 miles.  I had been prepared to give up to three, but eight. So, I pulled out my wallet and found a five to hand over with the three ones. At that magic moment when money exchanges hands, I saw my five dollar bill float away toward the line of cars behind me As I watched it pass me, I thought, "there goes another five" and was prepared to dig deeper into my wallet. But the toll taker who has probably seen this happen numerous times, said, "You can still get it. It's right there behind your car. I can see it."

Not wanting to lose it, I jumped out of my car, not realizing I hadn't put it into park. I ran for the five, jumped on it so it wouldn't fly away and watched my car move forward.  Oh yeah, and my dog Nathan was jumping around the front seat. Money or Nathan. I ran to my car and caught it just in time. I backed up to the booth, handed her the money. 

"You nearly lost both." Yeah, I nearly did. I was sure I had given her the money initially, and wondered if she had let it go. I thought she had but I could never prove it. Working as a toll taker must get boring. Before I drove away, she seemed to be muffling a laugh, as she said, "Have A Nice Day."

Paradise

This is what I search for, but alas, it is a pic of the sunset in Maui. Although, not in Maui, I am on my way to Key West. So far, the drive has been uneventful except for being pulled over after 30 minutes into my trip. It seems I took the wrong exit and went through a red light with a cop behind me. (Whoops)  I tried to tell him I was lost, but he said that didn't explain the red light.  I told him I didn't see the sign.  He said that was a big stretch. I finally said, "you're right."  And he said, "Follow me and I'll get you to the right place." Someone just try to tell me there isn't a God out there. 

I drove ten hours and I'm here in wonderful Goodletsville, outside of Nashville. The pool is closed because it is 42 degrees. You may be asking what this has to do with being a Cancer Stud. You have to get peace, quiet, and sun.  You need to relax on the beach. It's all part of the program. Like the cop said, "That's a big stretch."

Diet and Cancer

I have just finished watching a very controversial film, Forks Over Knives. Essentially it deals with the importance of a plant-based diet as opposed to a fat-based animal diet. Exploring the work of Dr. Esselstyn and others, it showed how diet can stop and reverse heart disease, diabetes, and a number of other diseases. It did not go as far as saying it can cure cancer, but it did feature a 70  year old woman who had breast and bone cancer. She switched her diet and recently won a gold medal in her class for a triathlon. Yeah, yeah, you're saying. I've heard about all these miracle cures and how can it help me now. Maybe it can or maybe it can't. But for all of us who have been diagnosed, treated, endured chemicals, and surgery, I do think it's worth taking a look at. We all know how much advertising and lobbyists control what we see, eat, and believe. When political committees are made up of people who have strong connections with dairy, cattle, and other meat, I think we know what they will encourage and endorse. Studies have statistically shown the increase of cancer, including prostate cancer, as communities switch from plant based to meat based diets. Most Americans, including me, were brought up on meat based meals. Most of my family has high cholesterol, diabetes, and cancer. But, I am not on a "soap box" or maybe I am, but I am going to look into this. If diet can help prevent obesity and a number of diseases, which are now beginning to show up in our children, I think it's time to examine anything which could prevent a number of diseases and lower our prescription bills. I say, "Eat a tomato. Cook up some brown rice. Cut out desserts (well, I'll have to give some serious thought to the last one.) But, do watch, Forks Over Knives.

"Guy With The Persian Tattoo"

Above are some images of the Persian alphabet. As you can see, the letters are quite intricate and different from the English alphabet. Now imagine having "good luck on your journeys" along with the letter "M" tattooed on your penis.  This is exactly what a 21 yr. old Iranian man had done recently. A declaration of love for his girlfriend (M). Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on your perspective, he was left with a side-effect of being perpetually semi-erect  Who can imagine what was going on in his mind when he had this done.  I know when I was 21, I did a lot of crazy things and  I was usually under the influence when I did them. Whatever happens buddy, I wish you happiness and hope she realizes the depth of your passion. May you both have a life filled with dance and love.

Happy New Year

Last year around this time, I was dealing with a flood in my basement. Although not as dramatic as last,  2011 was marked with some sadness and joy. Everyone has different memories, but Pam Peterson's rendition will make you laugh. I can't think of a better way to start the New Year.

Merry Christmas Everyone

Haven't been on the blog for awhile. Sorry, guys. Currently getting over an allergy and under the weather. Reason for the hospital gown. (My master tends to be dramatic) So, I'm playing it up as much as I can. You wouldn't believe how many treats you can get. If it happens to you, go for it.

But, more than anything, I wish you a Happy Holiday. Enjoy your friends and family. Love you all. 

Iraq War Ends

The Iraq War began on March 20, 2003 and ended on December 15, 2011.Welcome back soldiers. It is so nice to be able to say that. I have found myself taking their presence for granted, not worrying that they are fighting for America's freedom. There have been many wars and deaths. Let's pause and celebrate this happy moment. When you see a soldier don't be afraid to express your appreciation. Give them a hug, shake their hands, or just walk up and say, "thank you." Let them know we are proud of them and glad they are back. 

They are the ones who fought for our freedom. I personally want you to know I appreciate it and welcome you back. Great  job.  (Of course, below is a picture of President Obama but I feel the same.)

Black Friday

A special shopping day observed the day after Thanksgiving. It symbolizes the beginning of the holiday season and retailers entice shoppers with door busters.  People often line up in huge crowds to get the best bargains.

They come by LAND:

by AIR:

                                                                 AND BY SEA:          

But, if you're smart, you'll stay home and enjoy your friends, family, and food.                                   HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Catch up

It's been nearly two weeks since my last post and I'm sorry for not posting earlier. It seems my procrastination is kicking in big time. For those of you who have the same problem, as you know, there is always one more reason to delay. I find I'm probably my most creative in that area these days. Work has been slow because people are out of work and many don't have insurance and getting therapy is not a priority. And so it goes.... I've been spending more time at the gym working out. It keeps the frustration down and it is amazing how good it makes me feel.

                                  I have a few more ideas about getting my book published and have received a few more rejections which is only natural and part of the business. I'm going to start pasting them all over the room. Many writers do. I also have started another project, a play, and am thinking about a funny detective story. The holidays are right around the corner and although I am not a big fan of them, I realize there is no way for me to stop them. I wish I were getting away to some beautiful warm spot in the Caribbean. Since I can't, I think I'll turn up the heat a few degrees and dance around in my speedo