Adventures Of A Cancer Stud (Oscar & Simon) 2013

For those of you unaware of Oscar and The Adventures as a Cancer Stud, here are the Cliff Notes.

Oscar grew up as a loner and troubled  child. After discovering he was able to get good grades and dance (he gyrated to The Twist, The Chicken, The Pony, and Watusi, he decided not all was lost. In those moments, he threw himself into wild abandon and forgot about his acne, his flaws, his Catholicism.

He finished college after majoring in sexuality.Eventually he met a woman who claimed to adore him, so he married her. Soon, he discovered she was unable to give him love and only married him to have an audience (she claimed she was a movie star). After a divorce, he began taking art classes and found himself attracted to another man.

He did not want to admit he was gay, but it could be true. Just when he was about to explore this, he discovered he had prostate cancer. After surgery and recovery, Oscar felt even more miserable then he did before. He decided to have a penile implant and decided to get the "super-size" version. Suddenly, he got noticed. He was followed, chased, stalked by both sexes. At first, it was daunting, but he began to be asked to be a guest on the talk show circuit, Oprah, Barbara, David, Jay, even Jimmy asked him to appear.

But eventually, this wore thin, and Oscar knew he had to expand his horizons. After trying every therapy that existed, he was left with two choices, either consulting with the Dalai Lama or auditioning for the X factor and impressing Simon Cowell, which brings us to Oscar's latest adventure.

Although he knew he needed spiritual guidance, Oscar had been intrigued by the shallowness of

"show business."  He knew it was because he had always felt unpopular, but he was sick of having these "insights" and decided to go for the glitz and glamor.

He auditioned in Atlanta, where he was able to combine it with a speech he was giving to his brothers of penile implants. BOPI, which was starting to gain momentum in the US.

Since he needed to develop an image, he auditioned with, "Big Hunk O' Love."  Simon commented, "Interesting song choice. I couldn't help but notice you are taking advantage of your ...gift. You are going on to the next round."

Oscar was overwhelmed but knew he had to "act cool" or he could get booted. In the following weeks, Oscar got to the top 20, then the top 10, and now he was in the top 5, and finally the top 2. His song choices had been edgy, Kelly Clarkson's "What Doesn't Kill You...", Tim McGraw's, "Felt Good On My Lips," Snoop Dog's, "Drop It Like It's Hot." But his rendition of Aretha's, "R-E-S-P-E-C-T," snagged him the title of the star with the X Factor. 

                       Life was good.

Men asking for help

Yesterday I wrote about Prostate Cancer Depression and how difficult it is for men to ask for help. Today a friend shared an e-mail entitled, Went Fishing, Caught 4 deer.  I thought of the drowning deer as depressed men and the only time they will ask for help is when they're drowning, you'll see my point here. (I know it's another one of my stretches)  If you don't see it, it's still a nice story....

Went Fishing, Caught 4 Deer

A once in the history of mankind kind of thing. The Best Day Of Fishing Ever!

Some fishing stories are a little hard to believe, but this guy has pictures to prove his story...

I've heard of salmon jumping into boats, but never anything quite like this...

Tom Satre told the Sitka Gazette that he was out with a charter group on his 62-foot fishing vessel. When four juvenile black-tailed deer swam directly toward his boat.

"Once the deer reached the boat, the four began to circle the boat, looking directly at us. We could tell right away that the young bucks were distressed.

I opened up my back gate and we helped the typically skittish and absolutely wild animals onto the boat. In all my years fishing, I've never seen anything quite like it!

Once onboard, they collapsed with exhaustion, shivering.

This is a picture I took of the rescued bucks on the back of my boat, the Alaska Quest.

We headed for Taku Harbour . Once we reached the dock, the first buck that we had been pulled from the water hopped onto the dock, looked back as if to say 'thank you' and disappeared into the forest.

After a bit of prodding and assistance, two more followed, but the smallest deer needed a little more help.

This is me carrying the little guy.

My daughter, Anna, and son, Tim, helped the last buck to its feet. We didn't know how long they had been in the icy waters or if there had been others who did not survive. My daughter later told me that the experience was something that she would never forget, and I suspect the deer felt the same way as well!"   I told you! Awesome... huh?

"Kindness is the language the blind can see and the deaf can hear." - Mark Twain

My point is when your man is drowning, invite him into your boat. If he won't come, let him drown.....lol.....just kidding.

PCD......Prostate Cancer Depression

I know I've talked about this in the past but I'm starting to see the subject come up again in the forums. After diagnosis, research, and surgery, men often become depressed. Much of this is due to the side effects of prostate such as incontinence and erectile dysfunction.  I know after my surgery, I became depressed, and unfortunately it is a "sliding slope." 

Not doing anything about it often causes a deeper depression. In reality, there are symptoms which seem insurmountable and no man wants to admit to impotence. Often function will return.  It is very important to seek support or counseling during this, and if possible both.  I went to a therapist and also joined a support group. Both helped me. Unfortunately, most of us don't want to admit something is wrong.  Denial is a great defense but it doesn't work. Our friends, family, and partners know what's going on. It helps so much if you can open up to someone and start talking.  Support groups such as USTOO, which meets in a number of different locations, can be very helpful. There is a period of adjustment and this takes time and patience. Your life may not be the same, but it can still be fulfilling. Choices such as VED (vacuum pump), injections, alternative methods can be discussed. It is important to realize there is hope. It is not the end. Please don't give up. With time and help, you can conquer this.

Peacock Vow.....or Resolutions for the New Year...

New Year's was 3 days ago and if that is any indication, I'm off to a slow or too busy to write start. Resolutions never work for me so I don't make them.  If they don't work for you either, I strongly encourage you to forget about them. Who started resolutions, anyway?

Nine Worthies

In my research, I was able to uncover that. for one: resolutions can be associated to the Nine Worthies (3 Christians, 3 Jews, and 3 pagans; literary, scriptural, and historical personages who represented honor, valor and chivalry) In the Middle Ages, knights took the Peacock Vow renewing their commitment to chivalry. BTW, I have no idea why I am writing about peacocks, knights, and chivalry.

Most resolutions are concerned with weight, exercise, compatibility, brotherhood, or relaxation. 

Said, done, and forgotten. Shake up your year and take the chivalrous Peacock Vow.

Pug Christmas.......

Happy Holidays Everyone,

Here I am in another stupid Santa hat. I try to look cute on the first pic to get it over with faster.  What do you think?

This year I'm in Key West which is not so bad. I do miss the snow but you know how my master is about that...... They do have a lot of lights down here. I mean on the houses......Now, why didn't he send you a picture of that...da....
.

The trip down wasn't bad.  Have done that before but after that it got hairy.....lol....like me.. a dog.....lol.....I'm running around in a circle, it's so funny......oh....I guess it's a dog joke.  

Anyway, lived in 3 hotels, 10 rooms, then a place where the landlord turned out to be a crazy person. Licking my foot now....lol.... Finally, we found a place. (pause........just took a small nap).. Oh, the place.... It's OK.  Small compared to my place in Chicago but where's my furniture?  I'm still waiting.  No couch, none of my familiar chairs.  Thank God, he brought my old toys.  

Gotta go.......I smell food....yum.....yum......woof, woof......love ya,

Nate the Dog

Gifts......

For the most part, the gifts have been given, the cards sent, and the frenzy subsided. As we all know, the wonder is in the eyes of the children but, what about our wonder?  As I read some of the posts of my fellow prostate survivors, I see some are happy that they have some functioning, others that they have become closer with their partners, while others strive to survive.

This magical season is about the wonder: the wonder of birth, the wonder of renewal, the wonder of love. I know I often get caught up in shopping, decorating, cooking......the list is endless.  But now that the day is over, the spirit continues. The spirit of appreciating what we have and what we can give. It's not about the presents. It's about the spirit. Knowing that a smile to someone may be the best gift he has received all day. A pleasant greeting to a stranger may renew her spirit.  A compliment to someone working the holidays may be just what the person needed to get through their shift.

Remember the gifts that we can always give but often forget. They may take some effort and time but they are the real gifts of the season. Keep giving.

Merry Christmas Everyone.....Hallelujah.

I've been out of commission for awhile and I'll explain it in another post soon.  I promise.  And to those who follow my blog, I apologize.

But this is Christmas Eve....a time I remember being with family, sharing hugs, and the Polish tradition of breaking a small piece of wafer (oplatek) and going to each person and wishing each "health, hope and happiness for the future." Now that I'm older and more sentimental ( I think I was always sentimental but I wasn't always older) I miss that tradition but I haven't forgotten the memories. Those memories live on and I know the tradition continues tonight with my family ( I can't be with them) and many other families throughout the world.  

Hope, Health, and Happiness

So, to you and yours, I wish you the best and hope your dreams come true.  Count your blessings and all those little things we tend to take for granted. Thank you all for reading my blog. 

In the meantime, celebrate as the people of the small Yupiq Eskimo Village of  Quinhagak, Alaska. 

It was a school computer project intended for the other Yupiq villages in the area. Much to the villagers' shock, over a half million people have viewed it.

Use: http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=LyviyF-N23A

Meaning of Life...

Recently, I learned that my cousin had a stroke,while having brain surgery. She is recuperating and hopefully, with time, hard work, and prayers she will return to normal. Nicole is a fighter and definitely has the determination to do it. Her brother, Chris, has overcome incredible challenges(chris-alt-delete) and I'm sure she will too. She comes from a very brave and loving family.

Although this is not in the same category, my dog looked like he was having a seizure yesterday, and I rushed him to the emergency dog clinic where he stayed the night. I picked him up this morning and he seems to be fine. Apparently something he got into and ate. My point is that I don't think I take the time to realize how precious life is until something happens. I know I'm not alone.  The point of this post is that it is very important for me to try to stay in the moment.

I've been concentrating on my move to Key West which has been my dream for sometime. There are so many details that I got lost in all the minutia. Pack the boxes, donate the furniture, get receipts, change address, etc. that I forgot why I was doing all that.  Frustrated, exhausted, anxious....all of that and more but the final outcome will be Key West.

And so I say how important it is not to get lost in the details and remember the goal. The person is the same person, the dog is the same dog, I am the same me.....

I say to myself, "Take a deep breath, send a note to my cousin, pet my dog.....show your love NOW.

THAT'S WHAT IS IMPORTANT.

I'm Still Hot.....

As I approach the Big Day, I came across this video of Betty White and Luciana and felt I had to post it.  For all of us who ever doubted we were "still hot" as we approached those "golden years", Betty White assures us to rap and eat cheese cake     .http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5phqDvrWNZc&feature=autoplay&list=PL3841A0E479803E64&playnext=1

Vampires and Zombies

WHICH DO YOU PREFER?

There seems to an obsession with vampires and zombies. I know that I went through all of Anne Rice's

vampire books and can't turn down a good/bad zombie movie. And the rage continues in the media, so I know it's not just me. 

I said I'd deal with prostate issues in this blog, so bare with me. Immortality and sex sound appealing at first, don't they? But, then I thought more about it and what if a vampire went after me and turned me while I had prostate cancer? Would I end up being a prostate sucking vampire? And what about worry? Immortality doesn't obliterate worry. Everlasting worry.  Think about it. 

Pleasure Passes

Plus, I think immortality is over-rated. The undead don't seem very happy to me. They are stuck at that age forever, constantly scaring, chasing, and eating humans. I don't mean to be irreverent about human suffering... It sucks..  But immortality doesn't sound so great either.

The Journey Is The Destination

Sorry I've been away so long......I got distracted with things that seemed important at the time, like minor surgery, recovery, self-pity and then the realization that I'm alive again. During this process, the phrase, "The journey is the destination" popped into my consciousness. I've heard this so many times and  often discarded it as another trite psycho-babble phrase, which is ironic since I'm a therapist and can plead guilty to having used it. But just recently, I understood it. I mean really understood it. You know how you can hear or say things and not really pay attention to them  (I know I do, maybe you don't, but I do....an aside you probably don't need, but I'm into word counts these days). 

When I get depressed (it does happen), I wonder, "What have I accomplished. Nothing really. I'm not rich, famous, or successful (that's when I'm really depressed and I need to shake it off, talk to a friend, or hug my dog, sometimes all three)." That's when I realize the profundity of the above post.(It's profound for me, OK?) We all are on a journey, each and everyone of us. We all make choices, take a road less travelled, and use cliches (lol). It's not the destination we need to enjoy because that's the same for everyone in the end. It's the journey. We can control some of it. We can make new choices. We can create our own world. It may be crooked, linear, or sharp, but it is ours. It is most likely different from what we wanted it to be, but that's OK. It's OK because we created it. It just is. It can be anything, even redundant. 

Here's Looking At You, kid....

Hi Everyone,

Nate the dog here. Haven't had a chance to visit because he's too busy with life..he should be more like 

me. Eat, crap, sleep.. (I should write a book about that) .a dog's life isn't bad. Sometimes, I like to play with my toys..Sometimes I hide them and he can't find them. He's a bit compulsive you know, so that's fun.  Summer's been hot but who's complaining. I like hot except for walks. I pant a little and he takes me right in and feeds me. I've got him so well trained. Just wanted to check in. (name the movie in the post....and you get a sweet potato treat)

Adventures of a Cancer Stud ..(Searching)

Oscar at age 6.....

(For those of you who have not been following, this is a continuing saga about Oscar who had always been different from the rest)

He had an odd but interesting life filled with adventures and mishaps. In his later years, he had prostate cancer and a penile implant and continued his search for meaning in a meaningless world....Oscar lost his prostate and found Existentialism...

Searching

Pablo Immersion

If it wasn't about preference nor size, what was it about? Oscar continued therapy for months with little breakthrough. He tried Picasso immersion, reflexology, affirmations, self-help books, and nude gestalt. All to no avail, other than the nude gestalt which he didn't understand but liked the sound of. He starting ending sentences with prepositions, dangling modifiers, and mixing metaphors. He wrote a memoir and considered a sex change. He knew it was time to seek some heavy-duty help. (Not that there is anything wrong with having a sex change, but Oscar who had just had a penile implant, realized happiness is not contingent on a large sexual organ. Knowing that, he didn't think it would be better not having one. (a sexual organ, that is) Besides, he was cheap at heart and the implant cost him $10,000 cash.)

Peace, Dalai...You want to audition?

He decided to try to get an appointment with the Dalai Lama or Simon Cowell, whichever came first.  As luck would have it, while Oscar was in Burma doing research on the  transformation of Asian tadpoles, he met a fellow researcher who was a third cousin of the sister-in-law who had auditioned for the X-Factor. Her cousin had friended Paula Abdul on Facebook and Sulu (the researcher) thought she could get Oscar an appointment to see Simon. This seemed like a very good idea to Oscar and he decided he was on the right path.

I got your  number, Simon

Erectile Dysfunction Cures

Over the centuries, there have been many ED cures.  The most recent hails from China as illustrated  by the following video regarding Qigong.  I think I'll pass on this one

VOICE......

"I need to find my voice." I've been hearing this a lot and wonder if  this question is part of the collective unconscious. As many people link into social media, androids, and internet, I wonder if people are  losing their individuality. They can easily text, e-mail or forward, but what happened to the art and nuance of conversation.

I've asked people to call me and instead they send me an email. I ask again and still don't get a call. I call them and I go into voice mail. People speak in short phrases, learn shortcuts, and  feel uncomfortable having to express their feelings. Are they also on the way out?  I wonder. In a profession, where communication is key, I can only wonder what the future holds. Will therapy become a series of texts responded to with emoticons?

What am I thinking, very soon, there will be an app for
                                                               therapy:

Celebrate With Me...

WOW

That's huge, Oscar.

We're not in Detroit, anymore. 

I recently celebrated my 4th year of remission and can't believe I didn't share it.  That being said,

join me with Gloria Gaynor as she sings,"I Will Survive"

Escape to Charleston

Charleston Architecture

Having had a rough time here in Chicago, it was time for an escape. Dealing with a psychotic property manager who believes she's doing you a favor rather than her job, I decided it was time to take a few mental health days. And off I went to Charleston, South Carolina.  I had met some friends when I was in Key West, who invited me to visit. And not only were they gracious, they were entertaining and funny. They welcomed me into their home and gave me my own room with a view and said to relax. We took a carriage ride of the city, went to eat and toured the sites.

82 Queen St. Restaurant

Middleton Plantation Grounds

The cobblestone streets, the Marketplace, the beautiful sunsets and screened back porch brought my blood pressure down, upped my dopamine, and allowed me to have conversations with "normal" people. A very charming city and one I would urge you to visit. Travel is a wonderful way to de-stress and forget your problems. It was only 6 days, but it was enough to make me feel human again. No matter what your pain or your worries, it is always a good idea to get away from it and get some distance.  

Evening view from my porch

Sexual Satisfaction

In my experience, I think most men are selfish when it comes to sex. Depending on the degree of this trait before having prostate surgery and the result, post surgery often exaggerates this. Most men want to get off and don't care much about what happens to their partner, man or woman. Unfortunately, the man is usually not called out on it. To me love-making is about two people. Usually my partner and then me. Hopefully together but if not, both should have satisfaction. I see too many posts about men being very concerned about their sexual functioning. I am all for sex, believe me, but if there is a problem with getting an erection, I think the focus should be shifted to pleasing your partner. There are many ways to do this and I am not going to get into that on this post, but will pursue it another time. I do think that if a man cannot get hard, it is not the end of the world. Intimacy can be much more satisfying than a quick climax. I know this is a difficult concept and one that takes a lot of work. Often, men get depressed and that's OK. But, there is a way out and rather than dwell on the problem, work on the solution.  The solution can be in seeing your partner being satisfied. The gift is in the giving. Guys, I know many of you are your fifties and your perception of sexual satisfaction is different from those of us who are older, let's say in their sixties. But the same principal applies. Make your partner part of the solution and you may be surprised in the results.Goahead, you both can get some.satisfaction

Same Sex .......

Laughter relieves stress.

Congratulations President Obama on your stand on same sex marriage (seriously).

Moms Rock...

To all those mothers here and gone, I wish you a Happy Mother's Day. You are the Hunter-Gatherer-Warriors of our lives who made sure we had food, shelter and a shoulder to lean on. You are the ones who gave us a supportive hug or a meaningful glance when we needed it. Thanks to all mothers everywhere who loved us even when we weren't lovable. Be sure to remember yours today.