Adventures Of A Cancer Stud (Oscar & Simon) 2013

For those of you unaware of Oscar and The Adventures as a Cancer Stud, here are the Cliff Notes.

Oscar grew up as a loner and troubled  child. After discovering he was able to get good grades and dance (he gyrated to The Twist, The Chicken, The Pony, and Watusi, he decided not all was lost. In those moments, he threw himself into wild abandon and forgot about his acne, his flaws, his Catholicism.

He finished college after majoring in sexuality.Eventually he met a woman who claimed to adore him, so he married her. Soon, he discovered she was unable to give him love and only married him to have an audience (she claimed she was a movie star). After a divorce, he began taking art classes and found himself attracted to another man.

He did not want to admit he was gay, but it could be true. Just when he was about to explore this, he discovered he had prostate cancer. After surgery and recovery, Oscar felt even more miserable then he did before. He decided to have a penile implant and decided to get the "super-size" version. Suddenly, he got noticed. He was followed, chased, stalked by both sexes. At first, it was daunting, but he began to be asked to be a guest on the talk show circuit, Oprah, Barbara, David, Jay, even Jimmy asked him to appear.

But eventually, this wore thin, and Oscar knew he had to expand his horizons. After trying every therapy that existed, he was left with two choices, either consulting with the Dalai Lama or auditioning for the X factor and impressing Simon Cowell, which brings us to Oscar's latest adventure.

Although he knew he needed spiritual guidance, Oscar had been intrigued by the shallowness of

"show business."  He knew it was because he had always felt unpopular, but he was sick of having these "insights" and decided to go for the glitz and glamor.

He auditioned in Atlanta, where he was able to combine it with a speech he was giving to his brothers of penile implants. BOPI, which was starting to gain momentum in the US.

Since he needed to develop an image, he auditioned with, "Big Hunk O' Love."  Simon commented, "Interesting song choice. I couldn't help but notice you are taking advantage of your ...gift. You are going on to the next round."

Oscar was overwhelmed but knew he had to "act cool" or he could get booted. In the following weeks, Oscar got to the top 20, then the top 10, and now he was in the top 5, and finally the top 2. His song choices had been edgy, Kelly Clarkson's "What Doesn't Kill You...", Tim McGraw's, "Felt Good On My Lips," Snoop Dog's, "Drop It Like It's Hot." But his rendition of Aretha's, "R-E-S-P-E-C-T," snagged him the title of the star with the X Factor. 

                       Life was good.

Adventures of a Cancer Stud ..(Searching)

Oscar at age 6.....

(For those of you who have not been following, this is a continuing saga about Oscar who had always been different from the rest)

He had an odd but interesting life filled with adventures and mishaps. In his later years, he had prostate cancer and a penile implant and continued his search for meaning in a meaningless world....Oscar lost his prostate and found Existentialism...

Searching

Pablo Immersion

If it wasn't about preference nor size, what was it about? Oscar continued therapy for months with little breakthrough. He tried Picasso immersion, reflexology, affirmations, self-help books, and nude gestalt. All to no avail, other than the nude gestalt which he didn't understand but liked the sound of. He starting ending sentences with prepositions, dangling modifiers, and mixing metaphors. He wrote a memoir and considered a sex change. He knew it was time to seek some heavy-duty help. (Not that there is anything wrong with having a sex change, but Oscar who had just had a penile implant, realized happiness is not contingent on a large sexual organ. Knowing that, he didn't think it would be better not having one. (a sexual organ, that is) Besides, he was cheap at heart and the implant cost him $10,000 cash.)

Peace, Dalai...You want to audition?

He decided to try to get an appointment with the Dalai Lama or Simon Cowell, whichever came first.  As luck would have it, while Oscar was in Burma doing research on the  transformation of Asian tadpoles, he met a fellow researcher who was a third cousin of the sister-in-law who had auditioned for the X-Factor. Her cousin had friended Paula Abdul on Facebook and Sulu (the researcher) thought she could get Oscar an appointment to see Simon. This seemed like a very good idea to Oscar and he decided he was on the right path.

I got your  number, Simon