Grateful....

I recently went through some serious back pain. Actually, I am still experiencing it. And I tend to forget how fragile I am. We all are. Health is something we take for granted until we get sick. After that, it all becomes relative. Hopefully, I'll be feeling better soon. It has made me stop some doing some of the things I take for granted. Moving a sofa, lifting my dog, carrying groceries). So for all you out there who are healthy and for those of you who are not, take a moment. We don't always have to be busy. Take time to listen, breathe, smell the flowers. It's a beautiful world. Especially if we take time to enjoy it.

Cameras......

I've been through a number of cameras in my life and the last one was a digital.  I always ask the same questions: "Is it easy to use?  Is it Mac compatible? Of course after a demonstration, I come home and have no idea what he said.  But here's my point.  Back in the '50's, they were making great cameras. Every detail showed and if it was too dark you used a flash. We passed through poloroid cameras, where the film cost more than the camera. I went through college without many pics, and then more time passed

and the digital came out.  

I recently went to a party and one of my cousins snapped a few and asked me how I liked them.  I didn't. No wonder they put in that delete button.  I sure use that a lot.  Another thing is that photos seem to show sagging flesh, sagging. Now, I know that isn't accurate. When I shave in the morning, I think not bad.  Then I get a pic taken and say, "That's bad." That's when I decided it's not me, it's the camera. My cousin, Butch said, "It doesn't make you more handsome."  Maybe not, but it's not supposed to make you that old either.  So, I don't see any point of pics,  unless they are of birdlife or flowers. 

Oscar's Dreams (4)

Oscar's parents wanted him to go to  a prep school taught by Jesuits. When he came to the open house, one of the teachers asked him what he wanted to go into.  Oscar had prepared himself for this question, and barely squeaked out, "Architectural Engineering. But the professor had a follow-up, "And what is that exactly?Oscar realized he was no longer dealing with the nuns but with professors who would challenge him and make him learn.

New beginnings are filled with hope, surprises, and an experiences one does not forget. Oscar found himself withdrawing into a shell.  He was awkward, pubescent, and lost. He finally met one friend who one would consider "strange."  They ate lunch together, laughed, made snide comments, and seemed to be with each other.  But as chance would have it, Oscar found another group of friends, who were cool and were even recognized by the jocks.  Oscar left his friend to be with the hip crowd.  Most of this crowd were rich, living in affluent suburbs of Detroit. Oscar's family didn't have the money, but his crowd didn't care. They had study dates together, lunched, and most important played pinochle. Oscar's self esteem was on an upswing and then he heard about sock hops. The school had one almost every Friday night, and Oscar was sure to be there along with his friends.  Oscar loved to dance. It gave him a sense of joy like no other. U.of D, being all male, they would often invite a sister school that was all female.  Soon, Oscar was in his element. Dances started around 7 and ended around11.Oscar never stopped dancing and met many teenage girls who were thrilled to be asked to dance. He danced into his senior year. He hung out in the student lounge where they could smoke play cards. And it was legal.

Oscar had taken 4 yrs. of Latin, all the required sciences and had done well with the SATS.The majority of the graduating class went to University of Detroit. which was only 2 miles away. Oscar wanted to go to Michigan State. The professors refused to give him a letter of recommendation, saying the only way to move on was to go to University of Detroit.(a Catholic university.) But, Oscar was not so easily dissuaded and he did get into Michigan State despite his professors lack of cooperation. 

Cancer Stud......(3)

Oscar continued his Catholic school training for eight years. Each year, a different nun was in charge of the room. This did not mean he escaped notice from the other nuns. By the time he got to eighth grade, he was convinced that if he said or did anything wrong, the earth would open and he would plunge directly to hell. This caused him much stress. As a male teenager, he seemed to have a hard-on most of the time. He tried to wear big shirts and loose pants, but unfortunately, the fashion was tight pegged pants,  He developed terrible posture, trying to bend and keep his member hidden. Member? Did he belong to a special club? (As a matter of fact he did. The world of all teenagers,) Wearing black framed glasses, his face constantly twitching and twisting, Other guys started  having girlfriends and although he knew this was considered normal, every time he approached a girl, they would shun him. This continued to chip away at his low self-esteem. He would return home each day and throw himself into his books. Then he discovered the library and thought he had finally gone to heaven. He lived in a blue collar, low middle neighborhood. Most fathers worked in factories and ate pierogi and kielbasa for dinner (Polish staples). 

He started spending his free time at the library, reading books which took him sailing with pirates, fighting the Wild West, and traveling on a Magic Carpet.  He had one friend who lived about a mile away who seemed to like the same things he did like bouncing a golf ball a hundred times straight on the concrete step in front of his house without stopping. Sometimes he developed a terrible headache but he thought even worse things might happen if he didn't accomplish his task each day. On weekends, he knew he had to complete the task twice a day. Otherwise, his family might die or he could develop farts in church. Everything changed once he started high-school.

One Singular Sensation.....

Nice way to start the week......

Happy 4th ......

      
                                Happy 4th of July.  Enjoy your holiday.

  

Weather permitting...

Recently, Chicago has been struck with severe storms. Last Thursday, the storm was so bad, it knocked out many windows in  high-rises along the Lake. It was truly raining cats and dogs. I'm not one that usually talks about weather or religion unless I have to. In fact, we have had so many warnings lately, I tend to ignore them. I also do not believe that Revelations has heralded the beginning of the Apocalypse. I do not expect The Four Horsemen, Jesus suddenly appearing for a final accounting, or Lake Michigan suddenly turning blood red. It does make me aware of global warming and the many changes that have occurred such as our blizzard in February which stopped the City. But, finally, there is nothing to do about it but adjust. I have visions of Waterworld and don't see myself doing well in that evironment since I like hotels over camping, and cars over hiking. So, I'm just going to "go with it" and enjoy the ride. 

Adventures of A Cancer Stud (cont'd)

I mentioned earlier that there would be a surprise at the end of the week. I will be writing something about the Cancer Stud every Friday.  Join me as we follow the Cancer Stud and his adventures. Last week, I gave a quick summary of the Stud, Oscar, but it is important to know more about him.

Oscar had not been good in sports and the only reason the boys tolerated him was because he let them copy his homework. The girls liked him since he enjoyed playing jacks, hopscotch, and dress-up. He was too young to know that Broadway show tunes existed. Oscar's father wanted him to be like other boys. He dragged him to baseball games, kicking and screaming, and forced him to play. "You swing like a girl. You can't catch a ball, sissy."  After one too many jeers, Oscar climbed the fence behind home plated attempting to escape the torture.  The coach eventually coaxed him to come down and told his father that he didn't think he was cut out to play baseball. His father cursed under his breath, took him home, and ignored him the rest of the week. Oscar was confused. He knew it was something all the other boys did but he hated it. He'd rather read or dance. What his father had forgotten, or tried to forget, was that when he five, his father had asked him to wear a grass skirt and do the hula. Oscar obeyed and people thought he was funny. Dancing= funny, sports= cruelty. In some ways, his father had contributed to his identity crisis, unknowingly. Or perhaps, his father had secret wishes to wear the skirt.

 Oscar would never know. Instead, he began having nightmares and walking in his sleep. Once he woke up and realized he was peeing in his father's shoes. His father was quite angry about this. But, Oscar had been sleep walking and could not be held accountable for his actions.

His mother instilled a fear of germs. He washed his hands numerous times a day, especially after urinating. That was considered very dirty. "Did you wash your hands, Oscar? Oh yes, mommy. I spent a long time soaping them to make sure everything was killed."

When Oscar began kindergarten, the teacher couldn't get him to take a nap because he was too busy washing his hands. When she brought this to his mother's attention, she was very pleased and definitely thought washing was certainly much more important than napping. That afternoon, she took Oscar shopping to get him a very special treat, a Fels Naptha soap bar. It was known to kill every single thing it touched

Oscar grew up thinking germs could kill you on the spot and it was very important to stay clean at all times. This idea was also enforced when he went to Catholic school.

Shut The Front Door

I am always surprised when certain phrases become part of our vocabulary. Although I haven't used this yet, I know I will at some point. Tonight, I heard it at least 3 times. It's probably because it's kind of "naughty" and a nice change to the one it replaces.What new phrase or word has become part of your vocabulary? I've often said, "That fudging cancer." 

Relationship Fix

I've decided that the easiest fix for most relationships between men and women is that the women learn some sports stats and rules of at least one sport. And men learn to speak with their emotions for at least five minutes a day. Then there will be some communication between the sexes. For the rest of us, I would recommend taking up a hobby or getting passionate about something in your life. I know, Oprah said the same thing. It's not new but I do think it works. There is a reason for this post, which you learn later in the week. I'm practicing suspense. 

Statue Dance

Last week, melanie and marko danced an extraordinary number, Statues, on So You Think You Can Dance which brought the judges and the audience to their feet. Enjoying dance is a great way to prevent prostate cancer. :} 

Singing In The Rain.....In Chicago

It seems like it's been raining for 40 days and 40 nights here and I'm looking for the Ark. In the meantime,I came across Gene Kelly's rendition of his song and dance. It is truly a classic. Check out his dancing.

Reunion Reality

Memory

Before going, I heard such comments as, "Don't miss it, You have to go, It will be fun." Well, I waited two days before posting to make sure I could count on my observations. You're issued a name tag with your high school graduation picture. If that isn't enough of a shock, you then meet some of your classmates. If you don't see the name tag you won't know who they are. Once you read the name tag, you still won't know who they are. Then what do you say? "You haven't changed. You look worse. I don't know who you are." My experience was the last comment, for the most part. Even worse, the people I recognized, didn't recognize me and vice versa. Normally, I would have gone straight to the bar, but since I am an alcoholic, I couldn't do that. That meant I had to deal with the anxiety. Luckily, I came with two friends I have stayed close to. We did make attempts to meet others and each of us had some success. What made matters worse, there were reunions of 10 other classes ranging from 10 to 50 years from our class going on  simultaneously. Food consisted of cold hamburgers and salty chicken. Class pictures where we felt like we were being herded into a corral. We insisted we didn't look as old as the class ahead of us. (Sarcastically). To sum up, it was just another reminder that I'm getting older. We all are. No, you can't get away from it. But, I've always thought denial was a great coping mechanism. I still hold on to that. I may be 67, (reality sucks) but I feel 45 (sweet dreams). I probably won't see these guys again and what was the purpose. I did have some meaningful conversations with a few guys I did remember and who knows, we may keep in touch by telepathy. Phone numbers, e-mails or tweets were not exchanged.I may be the only person who feels this way and that's fine. The rest of you who feel compelled to go to these reunions, I suggest hitting the bar as soon as you can.

REALITY

American Bandstand and the l950's

In the l950's Dick Clark's American Bandstand was one of the most popular shows for teenagers. He had the best artists and his own group of high school dancers. Everyone knew him. Most learned dances from the show. I was one of them. We knew such dances as "Hand Jive, The Stroll, Twist" to name a few. Hair styles ranged from Waterfalls, DA's (Duck ***) Preppie and there were the Greasers and the Preps. I came from a Greaser neighborhood and went to a Prep all male high school. There were the usual cliques of the Jocks, The Intellects, The Weirdos. Everyone wanted to fit in and be cool. I bring this up because I am going to high-school reunion and I find myself worrying about how I'll fit in. What will I wear? How does my hair look? I hear that this is normal, but age is the equalizer. I believe this is true. People have married, divorced, raised families, lost careers, and yes, some have died. One report indicates that most men are either divorced or depressed. I will soon find out. I wonder how many have had prostate cancer but I don't think this is a good lead in question. Stick to things like, "I remember you. You were the quarter-back, the basketball star, the jerk (maybe not that one.) This should be an interesting experience. (I hope.)

The Tonies With Patrick Neil Harris

Enjoy The Tonies.  If you haven't seen the Tonies, this number is well worth watching.  

The Tonies With Patrick Neil Harris

If you haven't seen the Tonies, this opening number was one of Patrick Harris' best. Enjoy the Tonies. 

A Little Sunshine In Your Life

When everything seems bleak, headlines continue to spread bad news, and your anti-depressants don't seem to be working anymore, it's time to get a little music in your life.  Smiles are known to decrease prostate cancer. When all seems lost, play the ukelele. It's bound to bring on smiles.

Hot Dawg

There seems to be a lot of attention these days on being appropriate with your hot dawg. To me, this is the one and only way to appreciate the hot dog.

Wha's Sup

Hangin'.  So hot outside I can't walk too long without panting.  Luckily,  I get to go to Doggie Beach, which  is a stupid name for the place, so I say, "See 'ya at Splash."

Knowing Noh

`

Noh theatre was derived from the Japanese word for skill or talent. Skill takes as much work from the artist as it does from the audience. If you don't know what I'm trying to say, hold on, because I know you will soon know noh. Noh theatre deals with dance and involves 5 pieces including a ghost or spirit who moves through the play.  Knowing when to tweak and when it is time to move on takes skill. A sense of timing. Nathan Bransford makes a point of this in his last post when he mentions Natalie Whipple's post about all you need to know regarding submissions.  I found this to be very helpful.  If you don't know  Nathan Bransford, he has recently written a book called, JACOB WONDERBAR AND THE COSMIC SPACE KAPOW, which is a YA book  getting a lot of good press. Check out JACOB WONDERBAR. 


I know this is a good time for me to take a small break from prostate cancer. You too should know when to stop and when to move on. 

Tug-Of-War

Ken is not going to win this.  This is my toy and I've already chewed and slobbered all over it. You'll see.  He will not take this away from me.  It is mine.

Hot And Raw.....Hound Dog

In tribute to another King. Elvis Presley....The King Of Rock And Roll.

He would have been 76 yrs. old today. Moving your hips has proven

to keep your prostate healthy.

Memorial Day

I'd like to take a moment to honor all our men and women who have served to protect our Country and our freedom.  In keeping with that, I salute all our brothers and sisters who continue to battle cancer on every from.  All of you give us hope to continue our personal battles.  Thank you.

Korea and Prostate Cancer

Do North Koreans have more prostate cancer than South Koreans?  I don't know, but check out the following video created by my nephew Sean and his friend Andrew. Conflict causes stress.  Stress is associated with disease.  Therefore, which Country is more susceptible to cancer?  Another one of my long stretches regarding prostate cancer.

Recovery

I've realized that I've been off topic regarding my blog. I apologize and promise to get back on track.  Thinking about my recovery, I must say that it all comes in "baby steps."  Don't expect anything else. At first, you think you'll never get through it, but you will. Establish goals for yourself and try to keep them  realistic. If you've just had surgery, you'll be in pain and may be incontinent for as long as six months to a year. Even longer. Be patient and try to stay in the moment. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. I'll do my best to answer.

Time And Punishment

I was taught by Felician nuns for 8 years. This was back in the 50's, and definitely a different time. Yet, for the Felicians they were very busy teaching and disciplining us. They had there own sense of morality and it was very strict.  You could not talk, or walk, or run if they didn't think you should. If you did, you might get punished. Punishment often came in the form of a swift punch, or being hit with a ruler, or slammed with a pointer. This was considered acceptable because they were disciplining us, according to our families. Anyone who has been taught by nuns remembers it.  It's impossible to forget it. But now that I am older, I wonder how healthy that really was. It seemed everything was wrong.  If it wasn't a mortal sin, it was a venial sin and I always seemed to be sinning.  All of us did, according to them. Of course, there was confession, to cleanse our souls. But I keep coming back to the word punishment. I wonder how many others incorporated punishment into their value systems. I often question my actions or words, hoping they don't hurt others. What I often forget, is that others may be hurting me. In a way, I think the nuns made us expect punishment. Punishment for everything. What they have left me with is self-punishment. It is often difficult to reward myself. I often don't feel I deserve it. I've become better with this, but I wonder if what they did wasn't more of a crime of the time. Think about it. Yes, they taught us, but at what price?  I almost feel guilty for writing this but not guilty enough or I wouldn't be doing it. For any of you reading this who went through similar experiences, I encourage you to reward yourself for difficult tasks. You may be the only one doing it and you deserve it.  

I'll Miss Her

Oprah's last show is next Wednesday, May 25th.  I've been watching some of the last episodes and it reminds me of all the good work she did. Living in Chicago, I always felt like she was my neighbor or a good friend.  She always made me feel like she was talking to me and if not, she was sharing some important topic that I felt I should know about.  It's hard to believe she's been doing her show for 25 years. Like all good friends, I'll miss her, but we've been lucky to have her this long. It's time for her to move on and I know she will.  Besides her own network, I have a feeling she's going to end up on a lot of shows and making statements that matter. Today, Mattie Stepanek, a l4 yr. old who died from a rare disease was listed as one of her all time favorites. Oprah's connection with him was quite clear and he touched the hearts of all of us. As Mattie said in one of his last appearances, "I'll miss you Oprah." 

You fill out a form first and then you wait in a line

This is one of the lyrics from Paul Simon's new album. This song was called "Afterlife."He's still one of my favorite artists. My sister always wanted to marry him. Fat chance. Ha. Although, it would be nice to have him in the family.This has nothing to do with prostate cancer.  It does have to do with going to heaven where "you fill out a form first and then you wait in a line.... Check out the link under Paul Simon.

Journey- Don't Stop Believing

Needed a little Journey tonight.  Nathan The Dog and I are playing air guitar.

Favorite Foods

They are so bad for you and probably have a pound of salt and 300 grams of saturated fat. I'm just craving  french fries. I'd love to have french fries and live in an oceanside home in Nicaragua. This is part of my new campaign of, "If you could, what would you want...."

Self-criticism

There are times when I can get into self-criticism. It seems (in my mind) that I can't do anything right. As a writer, I know that this is my internal critic. The one that sits on my shoulder and says,"You can't write.This is all garbage. Who would want to read this?" I've become better when it comes to my writing but it's the other times, everyday living, that can get difficult.  Criticism, in itself, can be constructive if the person giving it, is trying to help improve you. But, if you're a bit doubtful, you might accept criticism because of low self-esteem. It also manifests itself in depression, alcohol and drug abuse, and perfectionism. The trick is trying to get yourself to a healthy place, feeling good about yourself, so that you can easily brush it away. I often try to use affirmations or suggest others use them.  A repetition of positive traits can help one's self-esteem.  Also, try thought control. This takes some practice but what it boils down to, is catching yourself when you're on a run of negativity. Realize what you're doing and then tell yourself to stop it.  With time, this gets easier to do.  Self-criticism leads to stress which can affect our thoughts and physical well-being. I also suggest working out, which allows me to stop thinking about anything and just exercise.  Afterwards, I always feel better.  Natural endorphins are the best drug.  So, my friends, I'm going to walk the dog and make sure he has a perfect poop , which I will then clean up so that area looks like it has never been touched.     

Eric Clapton Acoustic Blues

Anyone with cancer knows the blues.  Anyone, regardless of anything, knows Eric Clapton.

Say It With Tulips

To all the mothers out there, I wanted to wish each and everyone of you, a Happy Mother's Day. One day does not seem enough to honor you for being who you are.  Because of you, children and adults around the world are disciplined, loved, and nurtured. To those of you who fight for our rights when we are ill, to those of you who fight for our Country for our freedom, and for those of you who work in everyday life for our safety, I honor you.  God bless you for all your work, love, and patience.

In The Mood by Glenn Miller

If you weren't in the mood, here's something that will certainly do it.  One of my favorites. You have to do the swing, while listening.  Doing the Swing helps prevent prostate cancer,

When It's All Too Much....

Bridesmaid Grace van Cutsem let everyone know how she felt.  And we could all relate to it.  I know I could.  Aren't there times you want to shut it all out?

Intimacy Revisited

Prince William and Princess Kate seemed so perfect for each other. It came at a time when everyone wanted to see a fairytale with a beautiful princess and a handsome prince. And I know all of us wish they have a wonderful life together. Of course, they have their future ahead of them and I'm sure it will be with filled joys and sorrows. 

It made me think of myself and others who have been in relationships. Ones that seemed so full of promise in the beginning.  Ones we were sure would last forever. But, life has a way of changing things and these days, few couples stay together.  The ones that do take work and patience. And this brings me to the word, intimacy. 

I think many of us, especially men, confuse lust for love. I know I did. I was young and inexperienced and it seemed like the right thing at the time. I see many posts in the prostate forums and many couples can no longer have sex together and the relationships seem to have problems. There seems to be a lot of accusations and suggestions but I often think they miss the basic issue. Men do not know how to be intimate.  

Very few have ever thought about it. Life happens and there are children and work and college and suddenly a couple is left alone with each other and don't know what to say to each other. My point is that if the man was never intimate before a crisis, he is not going to be intimate after the crisis.  In the prostate cancer forums, intimacy is dissected and thrown around like a leaf tossed about in a storm. I'm not excusing us from intimacy but I think that if we never knew how to show it before, there is a slim chance of developing it after. I say slim but not impossible. It requires counseling and hard work.  I think both parties are at a disadvantage, dealing with the side effects and possible death of their loved one. Men tend to withdraw and say even less than they did before. The partner becomes even more exasperated and doesn't know what to do.  Considering the circumstances, this is not unusual. But, I think one of the issues that is never addressed is that men are never taught intimacy. Women know what intimacy is. It comes natural to them. They want it from their partner and their partner doesn't have a clue what she wants. I have seen this repeatedly in my counseling career. I have seen couples work through it, but it is difficult.  It's as if one speaks a foreign language and the other doesn't. Men need to learn about intimacy earlier. There should be courses and more resources available for men. If that happened, I think men would be better at it. It doesn't stop them from being men, which is what I believe most men are afraid of. It actually makes them more of a man, a man that is sensitive to his partner's needs and knows how to fulfill them, not just sexually, but more important, emotionally. That is the key here.

Well, my friends, I will probably come back to this another time. If I've been sexist, general, or  insensitive, I apologize. I too am aware of my weaknesses and try to work on them. I think intimacy is an important issue and one that should be examined and worked on with care.
Two books I would recommend are, Love and Intimacy by Joseph W. Walker III, and The Seven Levels of Intimacy by Matthew Kelly.  

Pug Kisses...

and best wishes from me (Nathan the pug) and all my friends to Princess Kate and Prince William.  I brought  all  my friends and we're holding a spot in front of the TV.   May  you both have a  wonderful life together.

Moz'Art Group

This is just for fun.  This group is the most famous quartet in Poland.  Having fun decreases prostate cancer.  I know, I know.  It's another one of my long reaches, but I haven't done it in awhile.

It's All Relative....

Today I talked to a seventeen year old about techno music, partying, and age. What surprised me the most was age. He only has one more year to be young in his mind, because once you turn eighteen, you have to get a job, go to college, and it's all over.  Since I'm a card-carrying medicare senior, I had to laugh to myself. I remember being eighteen and I felt like I'd live forever. These days, I wonder if I'll live 'til tomorrow. Time passes. Relationships, births, cancer. My 50th yr. high-school reunion approaches. And I try to remember if at seventeen I worried about turning eighteen and realized it is all relative. 

Happy Easter and Happy Passover

Here's wishing one and all a Happy Easter and Happy Passover.  Enjoy the day

Still Waiting.....

I just wanted you and Prince William to know that our Postal system has been known to lose mail. I'm sure this is the case, since I still haven't received my invite.  If you could just pop another in the post, or better yet, just Fed Ex it over, I'd be very thankful. I know you're busy with preparations and such but maybe you could mention it to the Lord Chamberlain.  Thank you.  Looking forward to the wedding.

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

My friend Dennis sent this to me recently.  It made me laugh because it is so true.  Anything that makes you laugh is good.

Spring Training

I gained a few pounds over the winter. Big deal. So now my owner, Ken, thinks I need to exercise. Not my favorite word. Not only that, I've had to join a group called the Hot Dogs. Getting ready for a triathlon. If he expects me to eat low cal dog food, he better go back to the drawing board.

Surrender

Today, I watched a segment of Oprah who had Shirley MacLaine on as her guest. Maclaine was discussing her new book, "I'm Over All That: And Other Confessions. I personally like MacLaine (I'm sure she's waiting for this endorsement) We met in a previous life while I was a pig farmer and she was a queen. But, back to this life. I've always enjoyed her performances and her personality. Plus, she has a dog. "What else do I need?" she says. Near the end of the show, she mentioned that one of her most important life lessons was "Surrender to the complicated divine plan." And this statement resounded with me. It made sense. I try to control situations or the future to no avail.  This only leads to frustration and despondency. Life unfolds the way it unfolds. And, it is complicated.  This leads me back to God. I want a lot of things (not really, maybe an Android phone), but I need a God. Without him, it doesn't make sense. It just doesn't.  So mes amis, take what you want from my observation. It was important to me. All of us have been given a life different than what we imagined. It is a good life. Filled with some sorrow, but also some glory. I'm going to enjoy the glory.  I have some chocolate chip cookies calling my name and I'm grateful for the peace I have at this moment.  

Erector Set

When I was a child, I received an erector set and was told if I could master it, I'd become a famous architect. I didn't do too well and I obviously didn't grow up to be an architect.I do remember that although I couldn't build the Eiffel Towel, I could get laughs from the adults because I referred to it as my Erection Set. Fast forward. Here I am playing with my Erection Set and wondering how all my friends are doing with theirs. Does Viagra help you build a tower? Have you tried the pump to get that skyscraper? How's that tri-mix working to create that tall crane? Funny, how life comes full circle? How are you doing with your Erection Set? 

When You Call My Name, I Salivate Like Pavlov's Dog

I need to drool on you

I don't know how many of you have been in a relationship with someone who had that kind of influence over you. It could be seen as good or bad.  If you're in love, it's great.  If you're not, you may feel used. I was in a relationship where I experienced both. It lasted more than 20 yrs. before I realized it was time for me to leave. Check out Reto Schneider and his column. Hindsight and all that.....but it's amazing how much I ignored the abusive behavior. I felt helpless. The good news is that I moved on and have a much more satisfying life. As I read more forums,I wonder if any of you have been in similar situations and how you handled it? 

When I Say Yes, I Mean No

Recently, I was in a situation where I said "yes," and really felt "no." This is not the first time I have done this. I have been taught to be a "people pleaser," polite, and appeasing. Often, this is at my own expense. These are random thoughts, so bear with me. After much agony, discussions with a friend, and some serious nightmares, I realized I was very miserable about my decision. I wasn't doing anyone any good. I then had to take control (there's that word again) of the situation and said "no." What often surprises me, as it did again, was that my decision was met by complete understanding. I, of course, imagined the earth opening and my falling into the depths of hell. It didn't happen. And so what is the lesson. Trust your feelings.  This isn't the first time I've said this.  In fact, I preach it to my clients. Trust your truth. It will never fail you. The nuns often punished us by making us write some transgression on the board a hundred times. I have to sign off now. I'm going to make myself a mango sundae with fresh blueberries, topped with whipping cream.I have learned rewards are better than punishment. 

Temptations-Ain't Too Proud To Beg

If I want something bad enough, I ain't too proud to beg. I'd beg to be held, to be loved. What are you willing to beg for?

Quality Of Life

I hear this term bantered around and I wonder how many doctors actually take this into account when prescribing a treatment.  When patients are diagnosed with prostate cancer, they depend on their doctors to help them answer questions. Unfortunately, as patients,we are at our most vulnerable. Hopefully, you have a partner who is more objective, but the news hits all involved. I have recently become aware of patients treated by ADT (Androgen Deprived Therapy) which lowers testosterone to castration levels. This treatment is usually prescribed for patients who have been unsuccessful with surgery and radiation. Others have learned that their cancer has metastasized. According to an article, Beyond the Abstract, by Cushman, Phillips, and Wassersug, The Language of Emasculation: Implications for Cancer Patients, approximately a half a million men in North America are on these drugs. The authors suggest words such as castration, neutered, and impotence are almost always used negatively and faults the patient. To me, this only adds to feelings of shame and guilt. The article goes on to say men suffer various side effects from medical emasculation that affects their quality of life and also those of their partners. ED drugs have usually proved ineffective. The cancer may or may not have been halted but what about quality of life. Dr. Peter Scardino's Prostate Book also deals with this issue. Regardless of your current condition, it is important to live in the now and try to enjoy each and every moment. Luckily, there are support groups and concerned individuals willing to help and share their experiences.  Don't be afraid to use them.  What do you use to help get through the day?  Right now, I have a pug napping next to me snoring away.  

TGIF

 I have the remote.  Can't decide whether to watch Up with Dug the Dog, or Karate Dog with Chevy Chase. I might just surf.  Either way, life is good. Maybe, Fringe.  Can't wait until we have Netflix.

Controversy

Bring It...

Controversy stimulates awareness and action. I spoke about my procedure which was very effective in providing me “quality of life.”  I was lucky and given the best of choices and treatment. Others have not fared as well with their choices and care. Corporations often don’t regard individuals and consequences, but they do regard profit and loss.  How many times have we seen that? We can fight back. Any thoughts you’d like to share?  

The Beatles - All You Need is Love (HQ)

The truth is that with love, you can get through anything. Whether it's from your partner, friends, or family. It's such a simple concept.  Love can soothe hurt and dispel dissent. Anger generally is a sign of sadness or betrayal.  Love, on the other hand, speaks of conciliation, union, support. Think about it? Isn't this a time where we need more love?   

Thats amore Dean Martin

In honor of Supermoon Saturday, I thought it was time for a little Dean Martin singing one of my all time favorites, That's Amore.

Nothing Lasts...

Oh, my...

Even the best cupcake in the world.  I know when I was going through recovery, I went through many dark moments. But, good as well as bad does not last forever.  You need to get through it in order to feel better.  How many times have you said, "This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me."  Is it really? Is it absolutely the worst thing ever?  Maybe right now it feels like it is.  But, what about in a year, or two, or three?  Think of something else that you thought you would never survive and yet you did. You will get through this too.  Remember that.  Thinking positively has been shown to be healing. While I was depressed, and at times I was in despair, I never thought anything would ever change. Look for some affirmation.  Read blogs of survivors. Talk to a friend. But, right now, that cupcake is looking pretty good and I know the corner store is still open and I'd like to finish this but.....

Happy St. Patrick's Day

In my youth, I aspired to be the greatest accordion player in Detroit.  Unfortunately, I was a thin and lanky kind of guy. (I was short and skinny.)  I could barely lift the accordion. But, being Polish, I pined to play polkas.  Since today is St. Patty's Day, everyone is Irish, and I wish all of you a polka kind of day. What did you aspire to be in your youth?

Control vs. Limitations

Captain Disarray, we must control choas.
But, I am having a short and sad day.

I often wonder how much control we have.  The Japanese people had none over a tsunami that wiped out a whole village and many lives . Charlie Sheen claims to be in control while he has a full blown psychotic break on network television.  I am finally left with sadness.  Sadness that evangelists and talk show hosts, who I refuse to even acknowledge, claim that this is God's way of showing how unhappy he is with us.  What rubbish.  To use a tragedy to further their religious platform is beyond repulsive. Isn't anything sacred anymore?  I wish the media would stop making a circus of every tragedy that occurs.

The feeling of doom and gloom is difficult enough in everyday life but when we are presented with images bigger than life and constant reports of radiation poisoning which is happening, at least do not exaggerate the danger.  It sounds to me like all efforts are being made to control the situation.  The reason I am bringing this word up so often is that I am a therapist.  I see people struggling with control issues everyday.  In fact, people seem to be having a harder time because the less they can control, the more they think they must control. This only causes more frustration and problems because in truth, the only thing we can really control is ourselves.  And what does that mean, finally?  It means we can't control finding the right partner, we can't control our partner's behavior, we can't control our future.

We can control our feelings, our thoughts, our actions.  We can feel love, sadness, and joy and try to share them. Hope it gets returned by someone who feels the same way.  We can't write the script for the other person because that is another form of control.  We need to let go.  Let go and allow ourselves to be, to exist, to be in the moment.  It's not easy.  With more demands being put on us from every level, we want to be able to say we can manage it.  We can take care of it.  But, the truth is, we often can't.  I think it's better to admit, "it's too much.  I just can't do it."  It's much more honest that pretending you can and not delivering or making excuses.  I write this for you but I write it for myself.  Each day I have to decide what and how much I can control.  I try to be available for my patients so that I hear them and hopefully help them.  They are struggling with control as are we all.  I think it's time to realize we can only control so much.  And what we can do is enough.  No more, no less.  People may ask more, but it is up to you to say, "That is all I can do. That is all I am comfortable with.  It is my best.

To go to the next step in prostate cancer, control is a very operative word.  From diagnosis, we worry about how much we can control as far as eliminating the cancer to managing it. After surgery, we try to control leakage. Finally, we hope we can control our sexuality.  The truth is we must try our best, be ready to accept the truth, and learn to live with the final result. None of this is easy. But, we are not superhuman, we may think we are, but we're not. We are humans trying to make the best of the worst.

Congratulations to us all for making the effort.  That's all that is expected.  The rest is in God's hands.

Wondering or Wandering

I've been wandering through YouTube figuring out the difference between embedding and sharing.  Hope this works.

Identity Theft

Although currently in remission, I never know if and when my cancer will return. Many of you have also been diagnosed with some form of cancer and no matter how you slice it, it isn't easy. Yet, it is important to try to separate the diagnosis from who you are. That being said, how do you do it? Start by thinking how cancer has changed what you do.  You may have some limitations, but you can still put the stamp of your personality on what you can do. That is key to survival. Make cancer your servant. Don't  let it steal your identity. 

Stand by me "Orginal"inclusiv with River Phoenix

One of my all time favorite songs. Brings back memories of hanging out with friends, sneaking a cigarette, trying to look "cool." For those of us who remember the '50's, we did "stand with each other" and enjoyed a simpler time. Now that we've experienced our 50's, it's time to be there again. Hang out with a friend, share a home-cooked meal, say a kind word. Isn't that what "Stand By Me" was all about?

Dealing With Incontinence

I don't think anyone realizes what incontinence is until they have it.  I know I didn't.  Pre-surgery, I was so obsessed with procedure and surgery, I don't think I even considered it would be an issue.  When it happens, it is traumatic. Suddenly, you don't have control over your bladder.  If you thought a catheter was bad, get ready to wet your pants. The fear of doing this leads to trying to protect that leak from happening. Diapers, pads, liners, combinations of all three. Just when you think you have it right, you have one too many cups of coffee, and everything changes.  Oh, didn't I tell you, "Avoid caffeine and alcohol." Oh yeah. Two of my favorite food groups. Gone, adios, au revoir, mes amis. That leaves water and drugs.  I don't like either. So, when you do get control, and now, after three years, I do have it, I still have to be careful.  I don't drink alcohol, but I do like coffee. One out of two isn't bad. Not the right one, as far as I'm concerned but then, since I'm a recovering alcoholic, it was for the best. My point here is that I do believe you can control a lot more than you think. I did kegels before and after my surgery and still do. I do think they are key to controlling incontinence. To learn more about living with prostate cancer, read Dana Jennings blog.

Happy Paczki (pronounced Ponchkey) Day

Well, if you're Polish, you have already had several of these.  You got up, knew it was Paczki Day, and went to your favorite bakery, and if you didn't order ahead, you waited in line.  You waited with black, Asian, WASPs (I don't know if that's PC anymore), and anyone else who was there.  Everyone's Polish on Paczki Day.  I bought an assortment of poppyseed, jelly, and custard covered with chocolate.  Then I took them to other friends and we sat around eating paczkis.  It was a fine time. Of course, I still have some.  In fact, I think I'll go eat them right now. I'm sure they help cure cancer. If not, they sure make you feel better. Happy Panczki Day everyone.

Doris Day - Sentimental Journey (remastered)

I've been personal on this blog, but today I'm going to be extremely personal. Today is the 4th  anniversary of my mom's death.  This was one of her favorite songs and reminds me of her generation. I miss her like you miss a mom.  A hug, a warm embrace, an encouraging word.  But, most of all, I miss her sense of humor.  She always made me laugh.  No matter what, she made me laugh.  For that, and so many other things, I'll always be grateful that she was my mom.  

Rules

                                Ken:  I've told you to stay off the computer.  

                                Nate: Let me finish this post......

                                          Rules....I don't see the point of them.  I like chewing paper.

                                          It's fiber, right.  I recycle it.  Big deal.  I didn't know it was 

                                          his To Do List. Why do you need one?  Just do it. Finished.

Obsession

I've been thinking about obsession. In fact, to be honest, I've been obsessing about obsession. I know I obsess.  I never thought of it as being a problem. In fact, I still don't. But, as a writer, when I write, or re-write,which is what writers do, I find I become completely involved.  I don't notice anything around me , I am one with my laptop. Hours go by. I don't want this to be a humble boast, because I'm not sure it's such a good thing.  It's something I do. A friend pointed out that I have attention to detail. I didn't quite buy it, but she persisted."Would you want your doctor to be unfocused?"  Of course not. That's how people become good at what they do. They are productive. They are productive because they become completely enmeshed with their work. They keep going until it is done. I do that.  In fact, I do it a lot. Since it is behavior that has served me well, I won't call it obsession. What does this have to do with cancer? Nothing, as far as I know. But, don't get me started because one thought leads to another and we're off.  

Sex and Prostate Cancer

http://www.mskcc.org/mskcc/html/95204.cfm

The above link is a lecture by the renowned urologist, Dr. John Mulhall, from Sloan-Kettering in New York.

It was one of the best resources I have come across regarding erectile dysfunction and prostate cancer.
For all of those pre and post surgery, it is very informative.

Pain

Physical pain:

We all know pain.  It is one of our body's vital signs that signals alarm. We are in crisis.  I find it amazing that each of us, especially those undergoing trials, can endure such high thresholds of it. Pain can also be intensified by fibromyalgia syndrome, which includes fatigue, disturbed sleep, and joint stiffness.

Cancer and emotional pain:

I feel the same is true of our emotions. Often, we can be in extreme emotional pain.  Sadness, depression, obsession, fear, anxiety, to name a few. This pain is not as visible, but it is still there.  Unfortunately, because it is invisible, it is often ignored by both the world and the individual.  Recently, I learned that pain can be increased by lack of serotonin, which is also an indicator of depression. But, which came first? Often knowing and fighting cancer is depressing. Anti-depressants can help some people. Can they also decrease physical pain? What is the link?   We need to identify our emotions before we can change them. Can you ignore them?  I know I've repressed feelings rather than face reality  We've all done it.  Maybe, it's a transition.  A transition to accepting the reality. Maybe not.  It's a thought.  One I'd like to share with you. Try it on.  See what you think.  If you like, let me know.