I'm searchin'

myself, while listening to this oldie from 1965.  Do you remember?

Transitions.....

Mayor Rahm Emanuel

I seem to be going through one.....again. But, that is why they are called, transitions. I feel that many times I live my life as if it isn't mine. As if I have disassociated my mind from my body. I think we all do it at times without even realizing it. I'd like to say it is my imagination going into overdrive and therefore I can't focus. Luckily, I don't do it while I'm working. But during my free time, I can find myself trying to do five different things at once. It's like having constant ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and not knowing it at all. So here it is. My transition is realizing I am doing this. Trying to be more aware of it. And staying, "In The Moment," as much as I can. (This also sounds like one of the twelve steps of AA). Now I have to think if I've picked up a new addiction.

On Golden Pond

Sorry for not posting in awhile. I wish I had a better excuse other than it's summer and I love the weather and when I'm not outside, I'm working or watching movies. I think that covers it all. I don't know how many of you remember the movie, On Golden Pond, with Jane Fonda, Peter Fonda and Katherine Hepburn. It was a great movie which took place at a family summer home, which if I remember correctly was on the East coast. Stars, Peter Fonda and Katherine Hepburn, were excellent and Jane held her own. I don't why I'm writing about this. Probably because I got to go away for a few days and found it to be very relaxing and refreshing. I recommend it to all of you. I don't think this is an epiphany for anyone else other than me but I'm enjoying it. 

Couples Face Cancer

Cancer is difficult for the person going through it, but very few people think about the partner. The partner is suddenly dealing with the enemy. The disease that will change their relationship forever.....a test beyond imagination. Since prostate cancer generally hits men over fifty, although I'm reading about a lot more cases that involve younger ages, many couples have been together for more than ten years......more like twenty.  Their children are often grown and gone. Who asked cancer to come in and take residence?  No one of course, but it is there. After discovery, after decision as to how to deal with it, the recovery or the fight begins. Often the patient is depressed, using his energy coping with incontinence and possible impotence. The Doctor generally says, "It will take time."  This statement doesn't help anyone. Yet, this is generally what you hear. Unfortunately, it is true. I don't want to blame doctors, but I do wish they were more informed and more supportive. Referring the couple or the cancer-free partner to a counselor should be at the top of the Doctor's list. Each partner has to deal with many issues: alienation, isolation, fear, depression, and uncertainty. Often the relationship suffers.  Often the partner feels guilty about even wanting anything for themselves. After all, their partner is dealing with cancer. Wouldn't that be selfish? Not at all. And this is where many cancer forums and websites, indicate that the relationship is dealing with cancer. Not just one person or the other. Both people. They have dealt with other problems together and are now facing one of the most difficult. As a counselor, who has had prostate cancer, I can only say, try to find help. Reach out to friends, recovery groups, a trained therapist. They will help you realize that you are alone. It is a difficult battle. Use the help available. With help, you can face the monster. A couple is alway stronger together. Don't let cancer divide you. Unite and fight.

 

Cancer Stud .....(4)

Oscar was brought up in a era that introduced Elvis Presley, also The Temptations, and The Kingston Trio.There were groups, such as The Greasers, The Preppies, The Jocks, and The Beatniks. Oscar came from a Greaser neighborhood, went to a Preppie High School, and thought the Beatniks were cool. This became of concern especially when he obsessively tried to style his hair. Now a teenager, he outgrew his golf ball bouncing. He tried the DA, referring to a Duck's Ass, The waterfall, and buzzcut.

 Each cut required different clothes and since his family had little of it, he often found himself shopping with his buddy, Louie, on the East Side, where he could find bargains at Robert Hall, Federal's, Crowley's, and small shoe stores that offered weekly sales. No matter what outfit Oscar found, he did not seem to impress his fellow classmates. Most of them were jocks or intellectuals. He finally discovered, to his surprise, that he loved to dance. Sock hops became his life. He found it was a great way to meet girls because most guys couldn't dance and most girls wanted to dance. He did the: Pony, Monkey, Swim, Twist, Watusi, and whatever else came down the pike. 

He watched American Bandstand to learn some of the smooth moves,which unfortunately, became the name of a popular laxative in his later years. But then again, he was a trend setter. He introduced The Penguin, which had it's run as dances. Later he created a mock social club, SCOA, which meant Scrap Club Of America. It grew and he designed logos for sweatshirts.

  

                                                             The Club took group trips to Boblo Island, an amusement park near Detroit. Everyone enjoyed both the boat ride and the island. There was a small band and bar on the boat and people drank and danced, usually through the whole trip.

Oscar disliked sports, but he did like going to the gym, especially the locker room. The smell of sweat, dirty uniforms, and jock straps seemed strangely appealing. At that time, Oscar didn't know why. He had been  indoctrinated by the nuns and knew it was a mortal sin to touch himself or others or to have impure thoughts or desires. He found that although these were sins, he couldn't help himself. His member seemed to be in a constant state of arousal. Little did he know, 99% of his classmates went through the same thing. They were male teenagers. 

Choices: Dealing With Prostate Cancer

As I follow the Prostate Cancer forums, I see that there are several men who have recently been diagnosed and are wondering about the best way to deal with the prostate cancer. I know this is a difficult time for you. It was for me. Do your research. Try not to panic. And once you've made your decision, don't look back. So much depends on your situation. You must deal with your Gleason score, biopsy results, and the advice of your doctor. I hate to generalize, but doctors, especially urologists, suggest surgery. I eventually decided on robot assisted prostatectomy. It was not an easy choice but I'm glad that is what I chose. Three years, post op, I am still in remission, and with the help of the forums, other groups, and a good therapist, have accepted the situation and moved on. This worked for me.  It may not necessarily work for you.  It's difficult to give a blanket statement as to what works best. Talk to others, go to prostate cancer survivor groups, read, read, read, and research. Try to get as many consultations as you can and once you feel well informed, make your decision. I was one of those people who didn't want to live with the knowledge that I had cancer and it could metastasize. Realize it is your body and you have the right to deal with the cancer whichever way you choose. Be brave, have courage, and trust your gut feelings. That is generally your best guide.

Pick Yourself Up, Dust Yourself Off, And......

I try to be as honest as I can in my posts. Most of the times, I try to stay upbeat, but there are times when it's not always that easy.  This is one of them.  As some of you know, I am a writer and cancer survivor. I have written a book, entitled, Bagel, Bagel, Crunch That Kegel (a humorous approach to dealing with prostate cancer). What I haven't talked about here is that my book was with a publisher and that I had done a few rewrites, worked on my platform, and contacted people for recommendations. Then I started the waiting and waiting and waiting. For those of you familiar with publishing, this is not unusual, for those of you who aren't, the time can seem endless. What many people don't know is that publishing can take at least two years, if not more. Publishers are overwhelmed with manuscripts and do the best they can and there is no rushing the process. I am familiar with this because I have been an actor and auditioned many times and know that rejections are part of the process. You can't take it personally. It's not about your work, it's about a type, a whim, a mood of the director. Regardless, sometimes you get a part and most of the times you don't. So, what am I saying. My manuscript was accepted, they held on to it for nine months, and last week I received the, "As much as we like your work, we do not think we will be accepting it for the list...."  What I learned is that you have to have a contract or you don't have an agreement. You must be patient and you have to roll with the punches. Was I depressed, did it feel like a rabbit punch, did I stay in bed longer than I should have.....yes, yes, and yes. The publisher is most likely going bankrupt, which is something I didn't and couldn't know.  But, it is time to move on. I have started to look at other small presses and am getting ready for my next attempt. I have also decided to start on another book because you can't sit around and wait for the rejections. You have to stay busy and the best way is to start on another book. I write this for me, but I also write it for you. For those of you deciding on treatment options, researching doctors, dealing with incontinence and impotency. No one can predict the future. You can only do your research, make your best decision and hope for the best. In a lot of ways, it's a "crap shoot." As far as the publishing industry, my book may or not be hitting at the right time and place. That is out of my control.....There is a lot out of our control.  Nothing we can do anything about. That being so, worrying about it is a waste of time. We can only do our best, do our homework, and pray. If you don't pray, hope.  Always keep hope alive. It allows you to get through it and move forward, hopefully. 

Freedom Heals

It's Friday and I always think it's nice to start the weekend with something positive. I recently read some excerpts from Bernie Siegel's new book, Book of Miracles which led me to Jeff Guidry's experience with a bald eagle named Freedom. His relationship with the eagle was reciprocal. While he helped the eagle to heal, the eagle helped him to heal while he recovered from Non Hodgkins Lymphoma.It lead to his book, An Eagle Named Freedom.  It's inspiring.

Hang On Little Tomato....Pink Martini

I love this song.  It's so nostalgic and plays over and over in your head.

If It Sounds Too Good To Be True...

Recently, I read about an auction where you could land an I Pad for under $100. It could be acquired by being in an auction where you could bid and if you were lucky, you could be the winner. As a writer, I thought how wonderful to get an I Pad for less than $100. Readers beware, be very beware. I read that if I signed up by the end of that day I would be given 152 free bids and if I rushed, I would be given another 25 bids, free. Sounds great, right? Figured I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. 5 days later, I was sent an e-mail congratulating me on my recent purchase of $99.00. What purchase? I sent them an e-mail. No response. Today, I called and was told the offer was very clear and I had purchased so many bids but because I was unclear, they would only charge me $49.00. I wouldn't accept that and wanted to speak to a supervisor and said I would dispute it. After a few more delays and protests, they finally agreed to give me a full refund. A refund for something I never bought. I  am writing this post is to say stay clear of a company called, Grabswag. Do not, do not, fall their gimmicks. As usual, if it sounds too good.....you know the rest.  Avoid, Grabswag.  Oh, and btw, did I say, avoid Grabswag. 

Dog Days Of Summer....

They are here and I'm going to make the best of them. Got my shades, tanning oil, sunblock, flip-flops, cell, hat, now......if I  could just get Ken to stop bothering me.......

Stay Gentle And Kind

Such a difficult thing to do in today's society and yet is it?  We are exposed to so much grit and gore, it seems impossible to get rid of it, no matter what we do.  And yet, and yet, it is possible. I just finished watching, "So You Think You Can Dance," and the performances were brilliant and the dancers were dedicated to their art. That is where I see the gentleness and kindness. In our arts.....in creativity....in striving to do one's best, no matter what life throws at us. There are times I say, "Why me?" and maybe the answer is because you can handle it, even though I feel I can't. Think about where you were five years ago and where you are now. Things have changed, whether for bad or worse, but they have changed and we have adapted. It's not easy but I think if one absorbs and adjusts, rather than fight the enemy, one can survive. The enemy may be cancer, a bad relationship, depression, bankruptcy and they may seem unsurmountable, but isn't it better to fight with kindness than with rancor and hate. I think so. I know I find it hard to do at times but the choices aren't good. Bitterness, complaining, selfishness. I know I have been in those bottom three a number of times and it doesn't make me feel better. When I take a moment and am gentle and kind , I find I am in touch with God. A God that makes me remember there is more in the world than me. Think about it. Try it.  Kiss someone close to you, smile at someone who looks forlorn, say a kind word to someone who needs it. Make the world a better place.

Integrity

We've all heard the word, but how does it apply to today's world.  According to Wikipedia, it refers to the honesty, truthfulness and accuracy of one's.actions. It is often considered the opposite of hypocrisy. I believe that today, hypocrisy has become so common, we've forgotten what integrity is. We know it when we hear or see it, but it is no longer considered expected. Hearing the President's speech about passing an acceptable budget asking everyone to make some sacrifices, rather than counting on the middle class, is a perfect example. Washington's decisions could effect the world's economy, not just ours. At this point of time, the last thing we need is a default of the American economy, higher interest rates, and a loss of more jobs. I find it hard to believe that some members of Congress refuse to cooperate in order to prove their point or stick it to the President. We're not in the sandbox anymore. We are adults who need to remember the importance of the right decision, the decision that shows that as a Nation, we have integrity.  This decision will affect many of our programs, including health, education, and  services. I no longer care what your ideology is, I care that you follow your heart and do the right thing. You'll know what that is if you have integrity. 

Erectile Dysfunction Breakthrough

The FDA recently approved a device that may be helpful to those with mild to moderate ED. It will be sold this summer.  Although I have not used it, I think it is worth looking into. The company states that it is safe and has no side effects.  If it brings circulation to the area and works with the autonomic nerve system, this could be a breakthrough for all who suffer from ED.

Ain' Got No......I Got Life

One of all time favorites.......You're right.  It's Saturday night and it's time to party.....Let's dance.

Oscar's Sadness

As we continue Oscar's path, he is about to enter high-school, and he wanted to review his life up to this point. (He was having existential struggles at the age of thirteen) "How do I leave my legacy? Does philosophy and nihilism exist. Or is that a construct I've invented to cope with this existence?" As you can see, Oscar thought outside the box. 

But the sadness is not over these matters. He knew the nuns liked him. They even let him see  their Little Infant Of Prague ( a rare site even for Oscar).

The Little Infant reigns supreme in one of the nooks of the nunnery. They treat him as if he were alive. (Lucky Oscar. He got to see their behavior early in life and thought of nuns as holy, although holy may not be the exact word he was thinking. The reason for Oscar's sadness concerned The Rapture. The nuns wanted to see God in their lifetime. If that person actually did, he would be considered a saint, and as much as Oscar tried, he could not see Him. Once, Oscar thought he saw God riding a Harley. Later, everyone realized he had a high fever and chills and was just hallucinating. So Oscar was sad he was not a saint at thirteen. He finally decided that if were not a saint by the age of sixteen, he would give up his dream. It would be sad but, "Who's on the phone? Tell Dennis I'll be right there." Oscar decided there was no reason to be sad. His friend was on the phone and Oscar wanted to make plans for Saturday night. (To be continued...)

Grateful....

I recently went through some serious back pain. Actually, I am still experiencing it. And I tend to forget how fragile I am. We all are. Health is something we take for granted until we get sick. After that, it all becomes relative. Hopefully, I'll be feeling better soon. It has made me stop some doing some of the things I take for granted. Moving a sofa, lifting my dog, carrying groceries). So for all you out there who are healthy and for those of you who are not, take a moment. We don't always have to be busy. Take time to listen, breathe, smell the flowers. It's a beautiful world. Especially if we take time to enjoy it.

Cameras......

I've been through a number of cameras in my life and the last one was a digital.  I always ask the same questions: "Is it easy to use?  Is it Mac compatible? Of course after a demonstration, I come home and have no idea what he said.  But here's my point.  Back in the '50's, they were making great cameras. Every detail showed and if it was too dark you used a flash. We passed through poloroid cameras, where the film cost more than the camera. I went through college without many pics, and then more time passed

and the digital came out.  

I recently went to a party and one of my cousins snapped a few and asked me how I liked them.  I didn't. No wonder they put in that delete button.  I sure use that a lot.  Another thing is that photos seem to show sagging flesh, sagging. Now, I know that isn't accurate. When I shave in the morning, I think not bad.  Then I get a pic taken and say, "That's bad." That's when I decided it's not me, it's the camera. My cousin, Butch said, "It doesn't make you more handsome."  Maybe not, but it's not supposed to make you that old either.  So, I don't see any point of pics,  unless they are of birdlife or flowers. 

Oscar's Dreams (4)

Oscar's parents wanted him to go to  a prep school taught by Jesuits. When he came to the open house, one of the teachers asked him what he wanted to go into.  Oscar had prepared himself for this question, and barely squeaked out, "Architectural Engineering. But the professor had a follow-up, "And what is that exactly?Oscar realized he was no longer dealing with the nuns but with professors who would challenge him and make him learn.

New beginnings are filled with hope, surprises, and an experiences one does not forget. Oscar found himself withdrawing into a shell.  He was awkward, pubescent, and lost. He finally met one friend who one would consider "strange."  They ate lunch together, laughed, made snide comments, and seemed to be with each other.  But as chance would have it, Oscar found another group of friends, who were cool and were even recognized by the jocks.  Oscar left his friend to be with the hip crowd.  Most of this crowd were rich, living in affluent suburbs of Detroit. Oscar's family didn't have the money, but his crowd didn't care. They had study dates together, lunched, and most important played pinochle. Oscar's self esteem was on an upswing and then he heard about sock hops. The school had one almost every Friday night, and Oscar was sure to be there along with his friends.  Oscar loved to dance. It gave him a sense of joy like no other. U.of D, being all male, they would often invite a sister school that was all female.  Soon, Oscar was in his element. Dances started around 7 and ended around11.Oscar never stopped dancing and met many teenage girls who were thrilled to be asked to dance. He danced into his senior year. He hung out in the student lounge where they could smoke play cards. And it was legal.

Oscar had taken 4 yrs. of Latin, all the required sciences and had done well with the SATS.The majority of the graduating class went to University of Detroit. which was only 2 miles away. Oscar wanted to go to Michigan State. The professors refused to give him a letter of recommendation, saying the only way to move on was to go to University of Detroit.(a Catholic university.) But, Oscar was not so easily dissuaded and he did get into Michigan State despite his professors lack of cooperation. 

Cancer Stud......(3)

Oscar continued his Catholic school training for eight years. Each year, a different nun was in charge of the room. This did not mean he escaped notice from the other nuns. By the time he got to eighth grade, he was convinced that if he said or did anything wrong, the earth would open and he would plunge directly to hell. This caused him much stress. As a male teenager, he seemed to have a hard-on most of the time. He tried to wear big shirts and loose pants, but unfortunately, the fashion was tight pegged pants,  He developed terrible posture, trying to bend and keep his member hidden. Member? Did he belong to a special club? (As a matter of fact he did. The world of all teenagers,) Wearing black framed glasses, his face constantly twitching and twisting, Other guys started  having girlfriends and although he knew this was considered normal, every time he approached a girl, they would shun him. This continued to chip away at his low self-esteem. He would return home each day and throw himself into his books. Then he discovered the library and thought he had finally gone to heaven. He lived in a blue collar, low middle neighborhood. Most fathers worked in factories and ate pierogi and kielbasa for dinner (Polish staples). 

He started spending his free time at the library, reading books which took him sailing with pirates, fighting the Wild West, and traveling on a Magic Carpet.  He had one friend who lived about a mile away who seemed to like the same things he did like bouncing a golf ball a hundred times straight on the concrete step in front of his house without stopping. Sometimes he developed a terrible headache but he thought even worse things might happen if he didn't accomplish his task each day. On weekends, he knew he had to complete the task twice a day. Otherwise, his family might die or he could develop farts in church. Everything changed once he started high-school.