Couples Face Cancer

Cancer is difficult for the person going through it, but very few people think about the partner. The partner is suddenly dealing with the enemy. The disease that will change their relationship forever.....a test beyond imagination. Since prostate cancer generally hits men over fifty, although I'm reading about a lot more cases that involve younger ages, many couples have been together for more than ten years......more like twenty.  Their children are often grown and gone. Who asked cancer to come in and take residence?  No one of course, but it is there. After discovery, after decision as to how to deal with it, the recovery or the fight begins. Often the patient is depressed, using his energy coping with incontinence and possible impotence. The Doctor generally says, "It will take time."  This statement doesn't help anyone. Yet, this is generally what you hear. Unfortunately, it is true. I don't want to blame doctors, but I do wish they were more informed and more supportive. Referring the couple or the cancer-free partner to a counselor should be at the top of the Doctor's list. Each partner has to deal with many issues: alienation, isolation, fear, depression, and uncertainty. Often the relationship suffers.  Often the partner feels guilty about even wanting anything for themselves. After all, their partner is dealing with cancer. Wouldn't that be selfish? Not at all. And this is where many cancer forums and websites, indicate that the relationship is dealing with cancer. Not just one person or the other. Both people. They have dealt with other problems together and are now facing one of the most difficult. As a counselor, who has had prostate cancer, I can only say, try to find help. Reach out to friends, recovery groups, a trained therapist. They will help you realize that you are alone. It is a difficult battle. Use the help available. With help, you can face the monster. A couple is alway stronger together. Don't let cancer divide you. Unite and fight.