Okey- dokey

I have heard this expression being used more than once recently.  Although not new to me, I am amazed at its current frequency.  According to the phrase-finder, it might mean "okay". But the references in which I have heard it have been more in a sense of  a completion of a task, "Okey-dokey", now that we have finished so-and-so, we will be moving on to....." or a response to something the listener finds weird or odd. 

You may be wondering what this has to do with prostate cancer and I have to admit it is a stretch, but anyone who has or has had cancer generally feels isolated or rejected and therefore does not need to feel even more so in today's culture.

Therefore, if anyone says, "okey-dokey" you will be informed and can respond in a knowing response of "okey-dokey' therefore making them feel more "with it". Then again, you may not "give a shit"(a more popular expression) and may think this is a worthless post. You are certainly entitled to your opinion and all I can say is, "okey-dokee".

Perseverance....

I've been thinking about this word a lot lately. Whether it's my job, fighting cancer, or working on a book , it seems to me that it keeps coming back to perseverance. Aakriti has some good advice.

That doesn't mean you will conquer, although I do think this component is essential to complete any battle, but it will give you the satisfaction that you gave it your all. There are times when the fight seems impossible and you are completely exhausted, but that doesn't mean you are done. It means you need to recoup, to refresh, to rethink and sometimes abandon the battle for a day or two. It gives you perspective to approach the problem in a different way, and occasionally a much easier way. I know I have often wasted a great deal of energy insisting on doing it my way, which at the time, I believe is the only way (of course, I am also stubborn) and yet with a little distance, a bit of discussion, or searching, I find it and it is the Ah-ha moment. I will conclude by saying give yourself a little space but don't give up. The battle is often the prize.

Polish Cleaning Lady

If you're Polish, you've been taught to clean. Men, women, children. Everyone cleans. Floors must be swept, washed, waxed. Our generation (3rd) isn't as thorough as our parents were. Nevertheless, it was passed on to us. Each of us has PTSD and OCD from our past. When stressed we clean. There is always something to clean or re-clean. Why do you think clean is associated with Polish Cleaning Ladies. Everyone wants one. Now, what does this have to do with cancer.....(hold on, I'm getting there) anyone who has had cancer (any type) has  been stressed to the max. Everyone has stories as to how they dealt with that stress. Some offer support, others deny it, and some laugh at it. Check out,  I Made Cancer My Bitch which really made me laugh. Maybe it's for a select audience, but many people have been diagnosed with some sort of cancer these days. It would be interesting to hears others stories. But, I digress. Why this post? I returned from a trip recently and discovered a pipe had burst in my place. After my breakdown, I prepared for the challenge. Brooms, mops, pails. Gloves, rags, disinfects. Not only did I have to clean it, I had to disinfect it. There was the impending fear of an e coli infection. It took nearly 24 hours to get the floors, cabinets, knobs, furniture cleaned. I felt the pressure and guilt building from my past history and knew my family was watching from above ready to critique my every move. There was a lot of pressure but I finally finished. I was in a total sweat and I was panting for breath. But, it was clean. I didn't have to think about cancer or its side effects. This was my new normal. I was happy. 

Easter Bonnets

I decided they had the best Easter bonnets I could find.  So first prize goes to them whoever they are. To me, Easter is a time for renewal and fresh beginnings, a time to celebrate who we are. Whether you're newly diagnosed or celebrating remission, try to embrace this day. My hats off to my cousins, Chris who was recently told he was in remission from his 5 yr. battle with Hodgkins and Cindy, his mother who was told she was in 25% remission after 3 months of treatment. Hope you and any one else who reads this post has a great Easter and Happy Passover.  

Courage

What does courage look like?  Watch the link below and you'll .know

Vulnerability and Cancer

Painted by Guido Reni (series of seven)

Although St. Sebastian is not the patron saint of cancer victims (St. Peregrine is), St. Sebastian is the most popular image known to most people. He is often pictured as dying as a martyr for his faith, pierced by many arrows. He has been the subject of many articles and revered by many as seen in UK's, The  Independent.  I found the last paragraph very intriguing:

All of which is to say that the secret of Sebastian's success may lie in his ability to be all things to all men. Along with the famous arrows, the symbol of his martyrdom is the rope that binds his hands; yet the shape-shifting Sebastian just won't be tied down. The novelist and political activist Susan Sontag pointed out that his face never registers the agonies of his body, that his beauty and his pain are eternally divorced from each other. This made him proof against plague in 1348, and, in these ungodly times, it still does. A recent book devoted to the martyr includes Aids-related work by artists including Wolfgang Tillmans and Louise Bourgeois. It is called Saint Sebastian: A Splendid Readiness for Death.

'The Agony and the Ecstasy: Guido Reni's Saint Sebastians' is at the Dulwich Picture Gallery, London SE21, 020 8693 5254, until 11 May

So what is my point....I'm getting there. I was thinking about vulnerability and wondered if one can be too vulnerable. I'm not sure. Many women and some men describe themselves as vulnerable, which is the capacity to be hurt, physically or emotionally. But, it may also mean you have the capacity to love more. As with anything, I'm sure it's all about balance. But my eternal quest is : "how do you achieve that balance?"

I do think that cancer patients, from the point of diagnosis to all stages, are vulnerable. First of all, none of us ever expected to be in that category. Once we are, we define life differently and possibly realize the importance of every moment. All our emotions are magnified and very fine-tuned. We are often prescribed drugs to deal with these feelings but possibly we need to explore those feelings. I know that I do. As I try to enjoy these beautiful days in paradise, I find myself often reminded of the arrows of pain that I and my fellow travelers have endured. At the same time, I try to enjoy the beauty that surrounds me. The paradox of pain and pleasure comes to mind.  

I strongly encourage anyone who can, to take some time for some introspection. You may be pleasantly surprised at what you find there....I have to go. I'm having drinks with Sebastian. 

Couples Face Cancer

Cancer is difficult for the person going through it, but very few people think about the partner. The partner is suddenly dealing with the enemy. The disease that will change their relationship forever.....a test beyond imagination. Since prostate cancer generally hits men over fifty, although I'm reading about a lot more cases that involve younger ages, many couples have been together for more than ten years......more like twenty.  Their children are often grown and gone. Who asked cancer to come in and take residence?  No one of course, but it is there. After discovery, after decision as to how to deal with it, the recovery or the fight begins. Often the patient is depressed, using his energy coping with incontinence and possible impotence. The Doctor generally says, "It will take time."  This statement doesn't help anyone. Yet, this is generally what you hear. Unfortunately, it is true. I don't want to blame doctors, but I do wish they were more informed and more supportive. Referring the couple or the cancer-free partner to a counselor should be at the top of the Doctor's list. Each partner has to deal with many issues: alienation, isolation, fear, depression, and uncertainty. Often the relationship suffers.  Often the partner feels guilty about even wanting anything for themselves. After all, their partner is dealing with cancer. Wouldn't that be selfish? Not at all. And this is where many cancer forums and websites, indicate that the relationship is dealing with cancer. Not just one person or the other. Both people. They have dealt with other problems together and are now facing one of the most difficult. As a counselor, who has had prostate cancer, I can only say, try to find help. Reach out to friends, recovery groups, a trained therapist. They will help you realize that you are alone. It is a difficult battle. Use the help available. With help, you can face the monster. A couple is alway stronger together. Don't let cancer divide you. Unite and fight.

 

Freedom Heals

It's Friday and I always think it's nice to start the weekend with something positive. I recently read some excerpts from Bernie Siegel's new book, Book of Miracles which led me to Jeff Guidry's experience with a bald eagle named Freedom. His relationship with the eagle was reciprocal. While he helped the eagle to heal, the eagle helped him to heal while he recovered from Non Hodgkins Lymphoma.It lead to his book, An Eagle Named Freedom.  It's inspiring.

Stay Gentle And Kind

Such a difficult thing to do in today's society and yet is it?  We are exposed to so much grit and gore, it seems impossible to get rid of it, no matter what we do.  And yet, and yet, it is possible. I just finished watching, "So You Think You Can Dance," and the performances were brilliant and the dancers were dedicated to their art. That is where I see the gentleness and kindness. In our arts.....in creativity....in striving to do one's best, no matter what life throws at us. There are times I say, "Why me?" and maybe the answer is because you can handle it, even though I feel I can't. Think about where you were five years ago and where you are now. Things have changed, whether for bad or worse, but they have changed and we have adapted. It's not easy but I think if one absorbs and adjusts, rather than fight the enemy, one can survive. The enemy may be cancer, a bad relationship, depression, bankruptcy and they may seem unsurmountable, but isn't it better to fight with kindness than with rancor and hate. I think so. I know I find it hard to do at times but the choices aren't good. Bitterness, complaining, selfishness. I know I have been in those bottom three a number of times and it doesn't make me feel better. When I take a moment and am gentle and kind , I find I am in touch with God. A God that makes me remember there is more in the world than me. Think about it. Try it.  Kiss someone close to you, smile at someone who looks forlorn, say a kind word to someone who needs it. Make the world a better place.

Availability

This word seems to be bouncing around lately.  I'd like to think I'm available, emotionally, that is.  I want to be there if someone needs me.  A friend, a family member. But sometimes, I think availability can be so consuming, it stops you from taking care of yourself. Be sure to set boundaries. When you allow yourself to clear, you'd be surprised what's waiting out there for you.