Adventures of a Cancer Stud ..(Searching)

Oscar at age 6.....

(For those of you who have not been following, this is a continuing saga about Oscar who had always been different from the rest)

He had an odd but interesting life filled with adventures and mishaps. In his later years, he had prostate cancer and a penile implant and continued his search for meaning in a meaningless world....Oscar lost his prostate and found Existentialism...

Searching

Pablo Immersion

If it wasn't about preference nor size, what was it about? Oscar continued therapy for months with little breakthrough. He tried Picasso immersion, reflexology, affirmations, self-help books, and nude gestalt. All to no avail, other than the nude gestalt which he didn't understand but liked the sound of. He starting ending sentences with prepositions, dangling modifiers, and mixing metaphors. He wrote a memoir and considered a sex change. He knew it was time to seek some heavy-duty help. (Not that there is anything wrong with having a sex change, but Oscar who had just had a penile implant, realized happiness is not contingent on a large sexual organ. Knowing that, he didn't think it would be better not having one. (a sexual organ, that is) Besides, he was cheap at heart and the implant cost him $10,000 cash.)

Peace, Dalai...You want to audition?

He decided to try to get an appointment with the Dalai Lama or Simon Cowell, whichever came first.  As luck would have it, while Oscar was in Burma doing research on the  transformation of Asian tadpoles, he met a fellow researcher who was a third cousin of the sister-in-law who had auditioned for the X-Factor. Her cousin had friended Paula Abdul on Facebook and Sulu (the researcher) thought she could get Oscar an appointment to see Simon. This seemed like a very good idea to Oscar and he decided he was on the right path.

I got your  number, Simon

Erectile Dysfunction Cures

Over the centuries, there have been many ED cures.  The most recent hails from China as illustrated  by the following video regarding Qigong.  I think I'll pass on this one

VOICE......

"I need to find my voice." I've been hearing this a lot and wonder if  this question is part of the collective unconscious. As many people link into social media, androids, and internet, I wonder if people are  losing their individuality. They can easily text, e-mail or forward, but what happened to the art and nuance of conversation.

I've asked people to call me and instead they send me an email. I ask again and still don't get a call. I call them and I go into voice mail. People speak in short phrases, learn shortcuts, and  feel uncomfortable having to express their feelings. Are they also on the way out?  I wonder. In a profession, where communication is key, I can only wonder what the future holds. Will therapy become a series of texts responded to with emoticons?

What am I thinking, very soon, there will be an app for
                                                               therapy:

Celebrate With Me...

WOW

That's huge, Oscar.

We're not in Detroit, anymore. 

I recently celebrated my 4th year of remission and can't believe I didn't share it.  That being said,

join me with Gloria Gaynor as she sings,"I Will Survive"

Escape to Charleston

Charleston Architecture

Having had a rough time here in Chicago, it was time for an escape. Dealing with a psychotic property manager who believes she's doing you a favor rather than her job, I decided it was time to take a few mental health days. And off I went to Charleston, South Carolina.  I had met some friends when I was in Key West, who invited me to visit. And not only were they gracious, they were entertaining and funny. They welcomed me into their home and gave me my own room with a view and said to relax. We took a carriage ride of the city, went to eat and toured the sites.

82 Queen St. Restaurant

Middleton Plantation Grounds

The cobblestone streets, the Marketplace, the beautiful sunsets and screened back porch brought my blood pressure down, upped my dopamine, and allowed me to have conversations with "normal" people. A very charming city and one I would urge you to visit. Travel is a wonderful way to de-stress and forget your problems. It was only 6 days, but it was enough to make me feel human again. No matter what your pain or your worries, it is always a good idea to get away from it and get some distance.  

Evening view from my porch

Sexual Satisfaction

In my experience, I think most men are selfish when it comes to sex. Depending on the degree of this trait before having prostate surgery and the result, post surgery often exaggerates this. Most men want to get off and don't care much about what happens to their partner, man or woman. Unfortunately, the man is usually not called out on it. To me love-making is about two people. Usually my partner and then me. Hopefully together but if not, both should have satisfaction. I see too many posts about men being very concerned about their sexual functioning. I am all for sex, believe me, but if there is a problem with getting an erection, I think the focus should be shifted to pleasing your partner. There are many ways to do this and I am not going to get into that on this post, but will pursue it another time. I do think that if a man cannot get hard, it is not the end of the world. Intimacy can be much more satisfying than a quick climax. I know this is a difficult concept and one that takes a lot of work. Often, men get depressed and that's OK. But, there is a way out and rather than dwell on the problem, work on the solution.  The solution can be in seeing your partner being satisfied. The gift is in the giving. Guys, I know many of you are your fifties and your perception of sexual satisfaction is different from those of us who are older, let's say in their sixties. But the same principal applies. Make your partner part of the solution and you may be surprised in the results.Goahead, you both can get some.satisfaction

Same Sex .......

Laughter relieves stress.

Congratulations President Obama on your stand on same sex marriage (seriously).

Moms Rock...

To all those mothers here and gone, I wish you a Happy Mother's Day. You are the Hunter-Gatherer-Warriors of our lives who made sure we had food, shelter and a shoulder to lean on. You are the ones who gave us a supportive hug or a meaningful glance when we needed it. Thanks to all mothers everywhere who loved us even when we weren't lovable. Be sure to remember yours today. 

Adventures of a Cancer Stud

Oscar soon learned that there is a price for fame. He had gone from a life of being a recluse to one of being a star. Paparazzi appeared no matter where he went.

Even if he went to the local grocery store for a loaf of bread and milk. Of course, Oscar knew he had always wanted to be well endowed and wanted people to chase after him. But, it took a lot of time and effort. He had to deal with questions like, "How does it feel to have one of the biggest tools in the world?" Do you find you enjoy sex more?  Do you plan on getting a bigger version?" The answers were: cumbersome, absolutely, and no.

Oscar had always liked clothes even if they fit badly and came from the cheaper outlets. Now, he found that his waist was the same but his inseam had increased a foot. None of his pants fit, unless he wanted to look like he was advertising his wares. He finally had to find a tailor, but even he was curious. This led to another search for someone who would not be impressed or curious. She came from a small Romanian village where size was never noticed. Men often put bottles of vodka in their pockets so they could have a taste whenever they wanted and consequently they all looked well-endowed. Also the women did most of the chores and were so exhausted by the end of the day, the last thing they wanted was sex. Nanika measured accurately and was an excellent seamstress.

Oscar went from looking like a schlump to appearing like a Wall Street banker. Now, even though people knew who he was they didn't fixate on his crotch. (That wasn't true. It just wasn't obvious to those who searched.) This was especially important when he made a TV appearance. Cameramen liked to zero in on that area as the host asked him about his appendage. Oscar usually wore an oversized shirt unless he was coming on  OPRAH or THE VIEW.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DczrNOwRmew Joy and Sheri enjoyed sitting close to him, Elizabeth blushed and he noticed even Whoopi and Barbara seemed overly cheerful . Oprah announced, "HERE'S OSCAR." He kept trying to tell them that prostate cancer was the only reason he was there, but they didn't want to hear that.

 As I mentioned, Oscar was gay and wondered why the women still were interested. Then he realized that a lot of male movie stars, even though they had families and considered very masculine, were also gay. It was so common that on the talk show circuit, very few people bothered to acknowledge it. It was then that Oscar began to wonder why he thought it was so important to have such a "big one." Of course there was the exhibitionist factor. When he went to the gym, the showers suddenly filled up and more men snuck glances and crowded around him.

Oscar sought out a good therapist who specialized in size issues....and charged $1,000 an hour. There was a time when Oscar would have laughed at the cost but now that he was famous, it no longer mattered. He often felt used and wondered how many people liked him for his fame, or even worse,  his Dong. His therapist was working with him to accept himself and it was a tough process.

THE VIEW

It's a dog's life

            Had another rough day.  It was so bad, I had to take a second nap after lunch.

Polish Cleaning Lady

If you're Polish, you've been taught to clean. Men, women, children. Everyone cleans. Floors must be swept, washed, waxed. Our generation (3rd) isn't as thorough as our parents were. Nevertheless, it was passed on to us. Each of us has PTSD and OCD from our past. When stressed we clean. There is always something to clean or re-clean. Why do you think clean is associated with Polish Cleaning Ladies. Everyone wants one. Now, what does this have to do with cancer.....(hold on, I'm getting there) anyone who has had cancer (any type) has  been stressed to the max. Everyone has stories as to how they dealt with that stress. Some offer support, others deny it, and some laugh at it. Check out,  I Made Cancer My Bitch which really made me laugh. Maybe it's for a select audience, but many people have been diagnosed with some sort of cancer these days. It would be interesting to hears others stories. But, I digress. Why this post? I returned from a trip recently and discovered a pipe had burst in my place. After my breakdown, I prepared for the challenge. Brooms, mops, pails. Gloves, rags, disinfects. Not only did I have to clean it, I had to disinfect it. There was the impending fear of an e coli infection. It took nearly 24 hours to get the floors, cabinets, knobs, furniture cleaned. I felt the pressure and guilt building from my past history and knew my family was watching from above ready to critique my every move. There was a lot of pressure but I finally finished. I was in a total sweat and I was panting for breath. But, it was clean. I didn't have to think about cancer or its side effects. This was my new normal. I was happy. 

Caine's Arcade

I rarely post twice in a night.  In fact, I'm lucky if I post in 2 weeks.  Sorry about that, readers.But, this was sent to me by my friend, Jim Flanagan.  Please take time to watch the whole thing. You'll be glad you did. It's one of those things you'll want to watch again and again, especially if you're having a bad day.

Enjoy.......

Caine's Arcade

Runaway

1960's music      Check out this song.  One of the Oldies...

Easter Bonnets

I decided they had the best Easter bonnets I could find.  So first prize goes to them whoever they are. To me, Easter is a time for renewal and fresh beginnings, a time to celebrate who we are. Whether you're newly diagnosed or celebrating remission, try to embrace this day. My hats off to my cousins, Chris who was recently told he was in remission from his 5 yr. battle with Hodgkins and Cindy, his mother who was told she was in 25% remission after 3 months of treatment. Hope you and any one else who reads this post has a great Easter and Happy Passover.  

Random Thoughts.....

Sorry for taking so long to post anything. It's been difficult to gather my thoughts. I returned from Key West and felt calm and relaxed for about 10 minutes.  Then came a flood of thoughts of how much I enjoyed it, how Chicago was cold and rainy (even though it was in the 70's) and the thought that I should sell my condo and move there.  Nearly a month later, I'd still like to go back to Key West but maybe not so drastically. If the market hadn't crashed, I'm sure I would have sold my place by now, but I know I'm not alone. I listened to Suze Orman the other day, and she is very practical and wise. She has beautiful hair, teeth, and skin. She preaches the "New American Dream" and how we should all hold tight and "live below our means." If I lived any lower, I'd be in a dungeon without food. Practical and safe is also boring and dull. So, I love you Suze, but I don't know how many more years this body is going to be on this earth and I'd like to have some fun while I'm still here and not with your debit card

Make Me Even Richer

I've survived cancer, loved and lost, and now would like to do more with my life. BTW, I would have liked to have retired by now, but I'm sure I would have been even more bored and broke. This is a very whiny blog and thanks for indulging me. I know I am very lucky and try to count my blessings everyday. Still being here is a big one. That being said, I'm going to stop. To be able to have such a platform and realize I still function quite well makes me feel very lucky.

Re-entry

                                                             GOING FROM HERE


                                                                        TO


                                                                     HERE

I know, "Life is tough." But, why not treat yourself to your fantasy.  Shout out to my cousin Chris,who put me up for a few days in Delray on my way to Key West.  Had a nice time. Now, I see why he loves Florida so much. Nothing like getting real Vitamin D. Beats a supplement anytime. I guess that could be said about a lot of things.

It's Like Riding A Bike.....

Most people have heard the above post title used in reference to "having SEX". It all comes back, it's simple, you won't have any problems. Sure. Who started that one.....?  I want to know. I went bicycling today and I had trouble steering and balancing. Went through bushes twice, lost the chain once, and kept cars at bay. The point is that with practice it does come back, not sex or bicycling. I refer to the everyday actions of daily living. Especially after a bout of illness.What we take for granted is not so simple once we haven't done it for awhile? Making your bed, changing clothes, taking a shower. It takes energy and will-power. It takes strength of conviction, determination, and the support of family and friends. Do not give up. It's easier but the sense of accomplishment can initiate a chain of actions, until you achieve goals you never thought yourself capable of. DON'T GIVE UP.

Courage

What does courage look like?  Watch the link below and you'll .know

Vulnerability and Cancer

Painted by Guido Reni (series of seven)

Although St. Sebastian is not the patron saint of cancer victims (St. Peregrine is), St. Sebastian is the most popular image known to most people. He is often pictured as dying as a martyr for his faith, pierced by many arrows. He has been the subject of many articles and revered by many as seen in UK's, The  Independent.  I found the last paragraph very intriguing:

All of which is to say that the secret of Sebastian's success may lie in his ability to be all things to all men. Along with the famous arrows, the symbol of his martyrdom is the rope that binds his hands; yet the shape-shifting Sebastian just won't be tied down. The novelist and political activist Susan Sontag pointed out that his face never registers the agonies of his body, that his beauty and his pain are eternally divorced from each other. This made him proof against plague in 1348, and, in these ungodly times, it still does. A recent book devoted to the martyr includes Aids-related work by artists including Wolfgang Tillmans and Louise Bourgeois. It is called Saint Sebastian: A Splendid Readiness for Death.

'The Agony and the Ecstasy: Guido Reni's Saint Sebastians' is at the Dulwich Picture Gallery, London SE21, 020 8693 5254, until 11 May

So what is my point....I'm getting there. I was thinking about vulnerability and wondered if one can be too vulnerable. I'm not sure. Many women and some men describe themselves as vulnerable, which is the capacity to be hurt, physically or emotionally. But, it may also mean you have the capacity to love more. As with anything, I'm sure it's all about balance. But my eternal quest is : "how do you achieve that balance?"

I do think that cancer patients, from the point of diagnosis to all stages, are vulnerable. First of all, none of us ever expected to be in that category. Once we are, we define life differently and possibly realize the importance of every moment. All our emotions are magnified and very fine-tuned. We are often prescribed drugs to deal with these feelings but possibly we need to explore those feelings. I know that I do. As I try to enjoy these beautiful days in paradise, I find myself often reminded of the arrows of pain that I and my fellow travelers have endured. At the same time, I try to enjoy the beauty that surrounds me. The paradox of pain and pleasure comes to mind.  

I strongly encourage anyone who can, to take some time for some introspection. You may be pleasantly surprised at what you find there....I have to go. I'm having drinks with Sebastian. 

Money Flies....

It just seems to disappear faster than I'd like. The other day, it literally happened. I was at the toll booth.
"That will be $8.00 sir.

"Eight dollars!" I had only gone about 2 miles.  I had been prepared to give up to three, but eight. So, I pulled out my wallet and found a five to hand over with the three ones. At that magic moment when money exchanges hands, I saw my five dollar bill float away toward the line of cars behind me As I watched it pass me, I thought, "there goes another five" and was prepared to dig deeper into my wallet. But the toll taker who has probably seen this happen numerous times, said, "You can still get it. It's right there behind your car. I can see it."

Not wanting to lose it, I jumped out of my car, not realizing I hadn't put it into park. I ran for the five, jumped on it so it wouldn't fly away and watched my car move forward.  Oh yeah, and my dog Nathan was jumping around the front seat. Money or Nathan. I ran to my car and caught it just in time. I backed up to the booth, handed her the money. 

"You nearly lost both." Yeah, I nearly did. I was sure I had given her the money initially, and wondered if she had let it go. I thought she had but I could never prove it. Working as a toll taker must get boring. Before I drove away, she seemed to be muffling a laugh, as she said, "Have A Nice Day."