When You Call My Name, I Salivate Like Pavlov's Dog

I need to drool on you

I don't know how many of you have been in a relationship with someone who had that kind of influence over you. It could be seen as good or bad.  If you're in love, it's great.  If you're not, you may feel used. I was in a relationship where I experienced both. It lasted more than 20 yrs. before I realized it was time for me to leave. Check out Reto Schneider and his column. Hindsight and all that.....but it's amazing how much I ignored the abusive behavior. I felt helpless. The good news is that I moved on and have a much more satisfying life. As I read more forums,I wonder if any of you have been in similar situations and how you handled it? 

Watch What You Wish For.....

I never quite understood that quote because I thought if I got what I wished for, I'd be happy; but, it's another Chinese curse. To be specific, all I ever wanted after my diagnosis was to be able to have sex again.  I thought it was over.  But, I got my wish and I still wasn't happy. That's because it wasn't about sex. It was about love. And, there my friends, lies the problem. The grass is always greener.  When one is alone, one wants a relationship. When one is in a relationship, one wants to have sex with someone else. (And I don't mean everyone, because there are always those who say they are happy and content; and I say, "God Bless You.")  So, I'm struggling with this idea that one never knows what lies ahead.  As Betty White said recently, "If one is lucky, one does."(lol)  She was referring to sex. I'm referring to a relationship.  I've had two long term ones. Neither ended well.  Yet, I miss the sharing.  I miss talking to someone about the day. I miss the odd juxtaposition of,"Don't forget to get some toilet paper... I love you."  I don't miss the disagreements and lack of privacy.  So, here's my advice to myself.  "Continue to think positive, stay focused, and be constructive.  I've always said, "If I only listened to myself, I'd be fine."  That's what I'm trying to do, but I will watch what I wish for.