Control vs. Limitations

Captain Disarray, we must control choas.
But, I am having a short and sad day.

I often wonder how much control we have.  The Japanese people had none over a tsunami that wiped out a whole village and many lives . Charlie Sheen claims to be in control while he has a full blown psychotic break on network television.  I am finally left with sadness.  Sadness that evangelists and talk show hosts, who I refuse to even acknowledge, claim that this is God's way of showing how unhappy he is with us.  What rubbish.  To use a tragedy to further their religious platform is beyond repulsive. Isn't anything sacred anymore?  I wish the media would stop making a circus of every tragedy that occurs.

The feeling of doom and gloom is difficult enough in everyday life but when we are presented with images bigger than life and constant reports of radiation poisoning which is happening, at least do not exaggerate the danger.  It sounds to me like all efforts are being made to control the situation.  The reason I am bringing this word up so often is that I am a therapist.  I see people struggling with control issues everyday.  In fact, people seem to be having a harder time because the less they can control, the more they think they must control. This only causes more frustration and problems because in truth, the only thing we can really control is ourselves.  And what does that mean, finally?  It means we can't control finding the right partner, we can't control our partner's behavior, we can't control our future.

We can control our feelings, our thoughts, our actions.  We can feel love, sadness, and joy and try to share them. Hope it gets returned by someone who feels the same way.  We can't write the script for the other person because that is another form of control.  We need to let go.  Let go and allow ourselves to be, to exist, to be in the moment.  It's not easy.  With more demands being put on us from every level, we want to be able to say we can manage it.  We can take care of it.  But, the truth is, we often can't.  I think it's better to admit, "it's too much.  I just can't do it."  It's much more honest that pretending you can and not delivering or making excuses.  I write this for you but I write it for myself.  Each day I have to decide what and how much I can control.  I try to be available for my patients so that I hear them and hopefully help them.  They are struggling with control as are we all.  I think it's time to realize we can only control so much.  And what we can do is enough.  No more, no less.  People may ask more, but it is up to you to say, "That is all I can do. That is all I am comfortable with.  It is my best.

To go to the next step in prostate cancer, control is a very operative word.  From diagnosis, we worry about how much we can control as far as eliminating the cancer to managing it. After surgery, we try to control leakage. Finally, we hope we can control our sexuality.  The truth is we must try our best, be ready to accept the truth, and learn to live with the final result. None of this is easy. But, we are not superhuman, we may think we are, but we're not. We are humans trying to make the best of the worst.

Congratulations to us all for making the effort.  That's all that is expected.  The rest is in God's hands.